Always the man’s fault

The fault, dear Brutus, Is not in our stars,

But in ourselves,

That we are underlings.

— Shakespeare

THAT seems to be the cry of many men, to be at fault and to be blamed for all the ills and so many bad things in the world. Well, maybe not in the world, but certainly in relationships, where everything that goes wrong is due to the man’s behaviour — not good, mind you, but bad.

Murphy’s Law says if something can go wrong, it will. Well, it’s the women’s law that says if something goes wrong, it’s the man’s fault. Oh yes, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Loosely translated from Latin, ‘It’s my fault, it’s totally my fault.”

At least that’s the thinking of some women who have so successfully foisted this belief upon men that many of the poor souls walk around thinking that it’s true, and that they are really responsible for all the bad things that occur in the relationship. It was Joseph Goebbels, Hitler’s minister of propaganda, who said, “A lie spoken often enough will soon be accepted as truth.”

But what if it’s really true, and men are really at fault when it comes to the ills of partners who are experiencing relationship challenges? Could those women who are pointing fingers and heaping blame on men be really on to something? Is it just possible, even by the remotest stretch of the imagination, that men really are at fault when it comes to man and woman business?

Let’s see if that’s true or not, right after we see what these readers had to say about my take on ‘One woman, two men’.

Hi Tony,

You are right in your assessment of the subject. No Jamaican man would put himself in a ‘one woman two men’ situation. As a long-married man, I can only fantasise about extramarital situations. My fantasy would be one man, two women. However, servicing multiple women could potentially give you a heart attack, but what a way to go.

Conrad

Hello Tony,

As a woman, I can tell you that one woman being married to two men is totally unworkable. It’s bad enough dealing with one husband who is untidy, leaves his clothes all over the place, refuses to wash the dishes, wants quick sex every night, and lies and cheats all the time. Can you imagine dealing with two of those at one time? I don’t think so.

Cindy

Recently I was speaking with a young lady who angrily professed that men are at fault for everything that goes wrong between couples, and she was adamant that she was correct. But how could that be? After all, the old saying is, ‘Every story has three sides — his side, her side and the truth.’ It’s always a case of she said, he said. Well, she and others like her, are convinced that men are to blame for everything that goes wrong, including the dreaded cheating.

When I pointed out that women cheat as much as men, if not more, but they’re discovered less because they’re better at it and cover their tracks well, she responded, “Well, it’s the men who drove them to cheat.” In other words, it must have been something the men did that drove the women to go outside the relationship and seek fulfilment from another man.

This is true in some scenarios, for if the man neglects his woman, ignores her, doesn’t appreciate her, then there’s a strong possibility that she’ll seek attention and emotional fulfilment elsewhere.

“He doesn’t even see me, never compliments me on how I look; it’s as if I’m invisible.”

So score one for the women who think that it’s the man’s fault why they cheat.

Then there’s the case of sexual gratification, or lack of it. If she isn’t satisfied at home she’s going to get satisfaction “outta road”. Maybe the man has lost interest in her, perhaps his libido has diminished or he simply doesn’t like sex anymore. But she still does. What’s a girl supposed to do but seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere and fulfil her needs?! So again, it’s the man’s fault that leads to her indiscretion. That’s her story.

Remember the song Ruby by Kenny Rogers?

‘You’ve painted up your lips

And rolled and curled your tinted hair Ruby are you contemplating Going out somewhere The shadow on the wall Tells me the sun is going down Oh Ruby, don’t take your love to town.’

When I pointed out the alarming and damning statistics of women having multiple babies with numerous men, again the response was that’s it’s the man’s fault and men deserve it when they are given ‘jacket’.

“It’s because those men don’t stick around and show any form of responsibility why the woman has to use them and move on,” is what I heard.

It’s a matter of survival on the part of the woman, plus the belief that it’s payback for how men have treated women over the years. So it’s tit for tat, revenge, karma, that’s the result.

“If you men weren’t so cruel to women over the centuries we wouldn’t need to dash it in your face now.”

“Unnu deserve everything that unnu get,” is the justification.

Domestic violence is the fault of men, as they are the only ones who initiate it and perpetuate it, is the belief of many women. True, the statistics are alarming and do give credence to what they are saying but what about the women who are violent towards men, is that the man’s fault too?

“Of course it is, for if he didn’t do something to tick her off she’d have no reason to hit him.”

That’s the weird logic of some women who stick to the belief that men are at fault for everything that’s wrong.

What about those good men who treat their women like queens, give them everything that they want and need, fulfil all her desires, and are basically as near to being the perfect partner as a man possibly can come?

Who’s fault is it when such a man is cheated on, disrespected, and abandoned by his wife? Well, I saw a news clip recently that showed that the ex-wife of famous Brazilian football star Kaka left him because, as she put it, “He was too good.”

“I divorced my husband because he was too perfect for me,” the Brazil World Cup winner’s ex-wife revealed. “Kaka never betrayed me; he treated me well, he gave me a wonderful family, but I was not happy, something was missing,” she was quoted in The Sun. “The problem was, he was too perfect for me.”

‘It’s ll your fault

You called me beautiful You turned me out

And now I can’t turn back I hold my breath

Because you were perfect But I’m running out of air And it’s not fair.’

— Song by Pink.

I tell you, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, and that’s why some men say that there’s no point being good for women get bored with you after a while. Isn’t that what I’ve been saying for years? That women love bad men — rogues, cowboys — and even though they say that they want a good man, when they do get one he’s not good enough, or ironically, too good?

So even when the dude is good, he gets shafted, for she’s not satisfied with how he is, and as far as she’s concerned it’s definitely his fault why she feels no spark in the relationship and has to pack her bags and go and seek greener pastures and the stud who gallops there. What hope is there for decent men? What chance do they have to get and to hold a woman in a sustainable relationship? It certainly looks grim.

Fortunately, all women do not subscribe to the notion that it’s the man’s fault why things go wrong — but enough do to make it worrisome for many a young man who wishes to embark on the perilous oceans of relationships. Much has been said about this.

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy.” — Henry Ford

“People who spend time looking for faults in others should spend time correcting their own.” — Unknown

“To find fault is easy, to do better may be difficult.” — Plutarch

“The people who actively find fault in others are the same people who are completely blind to their own.” — Kristen Butler

Even the Bible addresses this.

“And why beholdest thou the mote (speck) that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”

— Matthew 7:5.

So men, don’t be daunted, disillusioned or damned by those women who lay the blame squarely at your feet for everything that goes wrong. Shake the dust from thy feet.

More time. seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: What’s in a kiss? Well, more than you can imagine, based on the recent occurrences. First that Spanish football official had his life turned upside down, losing his position, fined, and may even serve jail time because he kissed that female player after Spain’s World Cup win. Now that poor girl from St James High School was expelled because a two-second-long video of her kissing another girl was posted on social media. I’m all for discipline but this is taking it too far and is a case of overkill. It was the girl’s first ‘offence’ while at school, so to have her expelled resulting in her not being able to get into any other school was a bit too much. A reprimand, suspension, or counselling would suffice, but to expel that girl just like that was too much. Why do some people always get things wrong? Many students do far more serious things with little or no consequences yet a kiss gets this harsh treatment.