Will you be my valentine? HECK NO!
I T’S FEBRUARY 13. Year? Many moons ago. There I am, standing across from a co-worker with a sheepish grin on his face and a red rose, asking me to be his valentine. Now, had this been someone I was even remotely interested in – this story would have been very different.
As it was, I knew he worked in my building and that was about all the information I thought was important where he was concerned. So, what prompted him to spend money on flowers and develop the courage to ask me to be his lady love for Valentine’s? I’m still wondering.
Needless to say, my firm, but friendly answer was, “No, thank you” (I really wanted to run screaming in the other direction). I thought it was a decent enough turndown.
He proved me wrong. It’s February 14. There is the same guy, with the same red rose and similar sheepish grin, asking the same question (potential stalker?).
This time my answer was still no, but certainly not in the same friendly manner.
This may happen to you this year. So, how do you let the poor lad down and ensure he understands that ‘no’ is really ‘never in your lifetime’ (without looking like a total she- devil, of course)?
DON’T MAKE THE NO PERSONAL
Instead of making it seem like you’re saying no because you don’t like the person or think their invitation is crazy, just let them know you’re simply ‘following the rules’. This means that your preset personal rules prohibit you from saying yes.
NO DATING CO-WORKERS
For example, “I can’t be your valentine, because I don’t personally believe in dating co-workers”.
Let him believe you wish you could say yes. Letting someone know you sympathise with their request, but still can’t grant it, will soften the blow of the no.
“I wish I could accept, but I already have a valentine.”
“Thank you for the invite and while it’s sweet, I’m not interested in celebrating the occasion”.
Show him that you thought it over before saying no. Feeling like you’re getting the brush- off can be just as hurtful as hearing ‘no’. Show the person that you took the time to understand their request before turning it down.
“I think your invite is really nice, especially since you made such an effort to get a red rose, but I think being your valentine would really be awkward since we are friends and I consider the occasion a romantic one.”
BEST INTEREST
Show him that your ‘no’ is really in his best interest. You can take some of the sting out of your no by showing the person that having you on board wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
“You have such a different personality than me, that I would bore you to death if we went on a date.”
Say no by helping the person say no to himself.
“Like me, you seem like someone who likes a well-thought- out date. Where are you planning on going?” When he answers, choose a more glamorous place and say ‘that place is OK, but I personally love spending time at (that very expensive restaurant you know he won’t go to).
“I don’t think a day’s notice is enough to do justice to a Valentine’s we both deserve. Do you?”
However, there are times you just have to say no. If someone is wasting your time and doesn’t respect you, there’s no need to soften your denial. Tell them no and walk away.
Remember, while these pointers will help you soften the blow of a no, they should not be said with any equivocation or hemming and hawing. While remaining polite and warm, you must also be firm and confident. Say your piece and let that be that. Don’t let someone guilt you into doing something by making you feel bad about your decision. There’s no pride to be had in saying yes, simply because you’re too afraid to say no.