Men won’t say ...
THEY SAY men are from Mars, women from Venus, but are we really that different? I mean, chances are if I had a ‘urine hose’ attached to my pelvis I would enjoy peeing outside as well. Naaa. But I know it’s not as complicated as it seems. And though men behave as though everything with them is as simple as black and white, Flair unearthed some issues they never share with women.
“The first thing we should consider is that we are all conditioned to follow culturally accepted norms. That is why people from different countries, communities and even families have ways of behaving which are marks of their group, gender, race, class, religious and family identities. How men behave fits squarely into this phenomenology. For centuries men were considered by most civilisations to be the better sex to lead their households and any large grouping of people, whether secular or religious, though there are exceptions to this rule,” shared relationship psychologist and sexologist Sidney McGill.
NURTURING
He continued: “Although men and women have the natural ability to nurture their young, only women can breastfeed their children. Women, are, therefore, primary caregivers, and with this biosocial given are expected to express soft emotions such as fear, doubt, sadness and empathy more readily as primary nurturers. Men were supposed to be emotionally and physically strong (which meant masking their true feelings with anger) to protect their families, and fight wars to protect their countries.”
1. Though women hold the ‘love sponge’ title, men are just as needy when it comes to cuddling, and want to hear as much as we do, the three magic words, ‘I love you’. So, please, say it often. They get emotional, too. So they might not sit on the couch crying while watching their favourite sitcom, but they’ll hit the gym extra hard when upset, then come home to watch TV.
2. Show them admiration and your wish will be their command. Don’t nag or attack. Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected, privately and publicly. They thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them.
According to McGill, “Steady progress in gender equality and rapid technological advances in the last 30 years are forcing societies to reconstruct new norms of male selfexpressions. It is becoming more acceptable generally for a man to cry in public, express tenderness, empathy and seek out cuddling with intimate partners without being stereotyped as a weak, ‘maama’ man.”
3. Men cannot anticipate our wants and needs; they are not mind readers. Keep it simple and don’t be coy. Say what you want.
4. Today’s woman is more often than not a superhero juggling home, career, community. Don’t take your man for granted, keep him and his needs close to the top of your to-do list. Men enjoy feeling the most important person in your life.
5. A man’s desire for intimacy is not a trivial need and should not be suppressed until convenient to you. It is an expression of a desire for a deep and profound connection with you. Rejecting the offer is hurtful. Men need the comfort of a warm home and the love of a good woman.