WEARING THE MASK OF NORMALITY
Recovering from the traumatic experience of abuse is far from easy and depends solely on the victim’s response to the darkness.
LAST WEEK, Survivors’ Truth told the story of 24year-old Renée Samuels* who has survived multiple abuse. This week, she shares her journey to self-discovery, and how abuse served as the catalyst for change for herself and others.
Renée returned to her community, coming face to face with her perpetrators and persecutors, along with her
psychological and emotional burdens. There was only one question at the forefront of her mind, “Where do I go from here?”
Psychologist and chief executive officer of Training Dynamics and Consultants, Ainsley Deer, noted that victims like Renée are likely to experience both short- and long-term psychological effects of rape.
One of the most common psychological consequences is
self-blame. This is used as an avoidance-based coping tool. He highlighted Renée’s statement: “I didn’t see any reason to fight. I started to believe that my purpose in life was to be used,” as a prime example. While victims might use it to cope, it is more of a deterrent and stops the healing process.
Renée realised it was time to rid herself of the guilt and the selfloathing that she had imposed on herself. The shame was not hers to bear, but those that took away her innocence and ravaged her dignity.
“They should be the ones who hide themselves. I will not allow the darkness to define me,” she added.
HEALING PROCESS
The healing process for Renée has been anything but an easy road, but during her abusive relationship, she decided to stop waiting for a miracle and try and be a miracle for someone else.
“I had to regain my self-worth and self-compassion, and to do so I focused on my studies and going after the dreams and aspirations I had for myself,” Renée expressed.
In September 2015, Renée went back to school, with her degree being her biggest goal. Three months later, with her love for social work and her passion for helping others, Renée created an outreach programme – a non-profit initiative promoting literacy,
‘I had to regain my self-worth and self-compassion, and to do so I focused on my studies and going after the dreams and aspirations I had for myself.’
education and youth development.
“I realised that education was the biggest empowerment not only for me, but for our youths. Through this programme, I saw the impact of my story and how much education helps me in the process of healing,” she continued.
We-Change Jamaica is the silver lining in her cloud. While Renée has tried her best to get involved, to distract herself and get rid of the self-blame, she was not free from the trauma of her ordeal. She has frequent anxiety attacks, but We Change not only helps her to cope, they have become a sisterhood of hope. It is her safe haven – a place she can run to without blame or judgement. There she is just Renée Samuels.
Deer explains that these types of efforts are therapeutic and will help Renée to cope with her skeletons, * Not the real survivor rather than hide them and have them present themselves in the future. He went on to share that though exposing her truth may put her in a vulnerable position, it will also provide healing. He encourages society to be more compassionate and to embrace the victims of abuse instead of devaluing their adversities.
While stories of abuse now flood the airwaves, Renée cannot help but feel empathy for the victims, retraumatised even, feeling like the little girl she once was – scared, vulnerable and alone. While not completely healed, she has a new outlook.
“I can’t say that I have got over the incidents, but I can say that, with time, I have got better at dealing with the memories and the feelings that come with them. I’ve learnt to recognise my fears and face them because I had no choice. The scars that accompany abuse are permanent, and that was one of the first things I had to accept to get to the point I’m at today. Just like the physical scars I later got in the abusive relationship, the psychological scars will always be there,” Renée concluded.
Next week, Flair will share the experience of another resilient survivor. * Name changed