Shower them with love.

Counsellor says boys need affection too

IT IS the norm to hear comments that boys should not be brought up soft. It is believed that they need a firm hand and more ‘licks’ than girls as failure to do this will see them ending up in gangs. They are also denied the hugs and kisses that are showered on girls as it is feared that they will be ‘sissies’ or end up soft. Many parents in an effort to ensure their sons grow up ‘masculine’ and portray what they deem ‘male behaviour’ are sometimes harder on their sons.

When boys hurt themselves, they have to ‘man up’ and not cr y as that is a sign of showing weakness. But is it doing more harm than good?

For answers, Family and Religion reached out to Eileen Osbourne, trained counsellor and Women’s Ministry Director at the Old Harbour Church of God of Prophecy, who stressed that if parents continue this trend of raising their children, they are ultimately denying them the natural craving of every human being.

HUGS AND KISSES

She said kisses and hugs should be given liberally, regardless of the sex of the child.

“Lack of expression of affection from their parents could contribute to them developing deviant behaviour. The boys in whose lives their parents did not sow affection, may struggle to give or receive affection. They may be overly aggressive. Thus, they may struggle to maintain healthy relationships,” points out Osbourne.

She reminds that children live what they learn and if they were brought up rough and without the kind of love and affection that would see them being able to share it later in life, then there is the strong possibility that there could be a correlation between boys who are brought up rough and their inability to be tender with their partners.

“Parenting is crucial in this matter. As parents, we are to raise our sons bearing in mind that they will be the men of tomorrow. They are the future leaders, husbands and fathers. Sufficing to say, no one will want to marry a “mama’s boy” but in the same breath, if he was denied hugs and kisses from his parents, he may be emotionally damaged and may not develop the capability to express love and affection to his partner and children,” she shared.

IGNORANCE NO EXCUSE

Osbourne stressed that ignorance should not be an excuse when it comes to rearing children in the right way. The onus, she said, is on parents to educate themselves on effective parenting strategies through the many available literature and parental support groups that are around – in the church, community and even on the Internet.

“In some quarters, it is strongly believed that the boys who are raised with a firm hand are more likely to be the ones who end up in gangs since they usually lack social skills and as such, gravitate towards others who have similar developmental challenges,” she points out.

Osbourne said she is hoping that no parent in today’s world is actually denying their boys hugs and kisses on the notion that little girls are made up of “sugar and spice and all that’s nice” while boys are made up of “snips and snails and puppy dog’s tail”.

“God is counting on parents to lovingly disciple their children. He tells us to ‘Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it’“. Proverbs 22:6.