Viral attack hits Jamaican politicians

THE EDITOR, Sir:

AMYSTERIOUS, unidentified virus is wreaking havoc among some Jamaican politicians.

This virus has infected politicians from both major political parties, influencing them to make unintended, inflammatory and partisan statements from political platforms.

A government minister was influenced to declare that supporters of the Jamaica Labour Party could expect preferential treatment now that a Labourite is the chairman of the Rural Agricultural Development Authority.

To demonstrate its evenhandedness, the virus infected an opposition member of parliament to declare that she does not tolerate ‘green people’ (no, she was not referring to fictional inhabitants of Mars) in her constituency.

The Centre for Deception and Control (CDC) recommends the following treatment regimen:

One dose of apology, stating that your statements were misinterpreted and you meant no offence.

One meeting with the political ombudsman to reaffirm your commitment to civil political discourse and the Political Code of Conduct.

Nine days’ rest until the fever of public outcry subsides.

Repeat treatment as often as necessary.

The CDC assures us that while there is no known cure for the virus, the prescribed course of treatment has no side effects and the infected politician is near certain to be re-elected.

Politicians were not in control of their faculties when the statements were made, and, consequently, will not be held accountable for their actions. Blame it on the virus!

I am indebted to the leader of the Opposition for explaining the hidden meaning behind the gesture of giving one the middle finger.

For many years I thought the gesture was meant to be offensive, but now, I understand it is meant to bring humour to tense situations.

I shall no longer take offence when an irate motorist gives me the middle finger for having the audacity to drive at the prescribed speed limit. I shall smile and return the gesture with the middle fingers of both hands to further lighten the tension.

On second thought, I think I will ignore the gesture, as ‘puss and dawg nuh have di same luck’ and I suspect the hidden meaning of the gesture is only appreciated in Gordon House.