Don't bully MY WOMB, I don't want to be a mother
Women shunning motherhood by choice
AT 46, Christian therapist Peta-Gay McClure does not have a child by choice, and it’s a decision she did not make lightly.
McClure is among a group of adult women who have decided that the business of motherhood is not for them despite the pressure of peers who claim that once a woman gets to a certain age, she should have at least one child, once it is medically possible.
“I believe, and have witnessed, even in having a nephew, that having a child is a huge responsibility and should not be decided on lightly,” said McClure, who has a master’s in counselling ministries.
McClure grew up with both parents and a nanny and says her decision to not have children first came from a place of not being able to provide for all the needs of that child.
“This decision also took greater form when I started to grow into who I am as a woman and what I really needed in life to feel fulfilled. My nurturing side turned in the direction of educating others about finding fulfilment and healing in their lives, and with this, I find great fulfilment.
“But all of this came about by asking myself several questions, and as I answered them one by one, I realised this direction was not for me,” McClure told The Sunday Gleaner.
McClure met her husband two years ago, and he had no issue with her decision not to have children.
“He already had three children, and with this, he was very content. So this made life a bit easier for me as we both wanted more out of life, which did not include children.
“I also believe that God gives you a partner that you both can walk in agreement with and not chaos. You just have to allow Him to bring that person to you who sees life through your eyes and vice versa,” said McClure.
“I would hear people say, after asking me why I don’t want children, that this decision is selfish. I would say to people who have this view that as individuals, we have the right to make choices for our lives, and no one should dictate otherwise.
“It is good, based on purpose, that women should desire to have children, but it’s also good for a person to decide not to have if they choose,” said McClure.
Thirty-year-old Candy*, who lives in St James, has also made the decision not to go the route of motherhood.
‘I AM ALREADY A COMPLETE WOMAN’
According to Candy, she made the decision not to have a child in the latter part of her 20s. “It’s expensive and for health reasons. I have been depressed for a while. I was diagnosed when I was 26, or so, after a few mental breakdowns,” said Candy.
She says her partner does not share her view of not having a child, but they have decided that if he really needs one, they can look at adoption.
“I don’t really care what others think. Everyone makes their own decisions, and if they want kids, they can have their own. I am already a complete woman. Many mothers wish they didn’t have kids. Society won’t be the one under pressure to make ends meet,” added Candy.
Iman Wilson also has no plans of becoming a mother, and she can’t recall ever wanting a child.
“Why I do not want to have kids is irrelevant. What matters is that, one, it is to be understood that I am not beholden to society to divulge my reasons; and two, having children is like smoking. You have the right to, and, equally, the right not to,” declared Wilson, who is single, college educated, works in administration, and is in her midthirties.
Wilson was raised by her mother, and to a lesser extent by her grandmother, and expects society to respect her decision instead of bullying her into having a child.
“How people treat me is up to them. I know I don’t treat women who have given birth any ‘more’, so if they wish to treat me less, that is neither here nor there to me.
“The acceptable definition of woman is an absurd position because it suggests that you can’t be a mother unless you have given birth. It suggests further that women are only made whole after giving birth. I scoff at this limited draconian mindset. Parent is not synonymous with mother or father,” added Wilson. *Name changed on request.