In defence of Rev Dumas
THE REVEREND Aaron Dumas has come under fire for advice he gave to a young woman who claims she was raped five years ago. The rapist was her sister’s boyfriend and babyfather, and they are about to be married. Dumas thinks the delay in reporting the matter was a missed opportunity and it was unwise to do so during wedding preparations.
I met Rev Dumas only once, years ago, before that luxuriant beard appeared. I am sure he does not remember me. Permit me to take his side in this matter, although I am sure he does not need my help. Foremost in his mind must have been the reactions of the bride- and groom-to-be. What would they be thinking?
Bride-to-be (and sister):
Is this really true?
Why didn’t she say something before? If I cancel the wedding, what will I tell all the invitees? My friends, my co-workers?
All this money spent.
Was it rape, though?
Is she jealous of me?
Is she envious?
Has she been devious in the past?
Groom-to-be:
I am going to swear on a Bible and deny it.
Or, if she provides proof, I am going to say it was consensual. I felt guilty because I really love you and think you deserve better, and I decided not to do it again. But she persisted. I resisted, and she was never pleased with my decision. I never thought she would choose a time like this to take revenge.
If we leave out the other actors in this drama, where would this place the accuser? There is the strong possibility that the wedding would proceed without her, and the couple’s relationship would be stronger for it. Until, maybe, something happens 10 years later.
In my younger years, I found myself having to counsel girls whose mothers brought in a succession of lecherous ‘stepfathers’ on them. The response, when the brave ones complain to their mothers of attempted abuse, was that they – not the ‘stepfather’ – had to find somewhere else to live. And this was the beginning of a long, dark road for them. Back Road, too!
The condemnation of Rev Dumas’ recommendation is really emotional, not clearly thoughtout, and lacking the kind of assessment that comes from a trained mind, which I think Dumas has.