Love, or in­fat­u­a­tion? KNOW THE DIF­FER­ENCE

Jamaica Gleaner - - FMAILY & RELIGION - Ce­celia Camp­bell-Liv­ingston/ Gleaner Writer fam­ilyan­dreli­gion@glean­erjm.com

I know I mis­be­haved and you made your mis­takes

And we both still got room left to grow. And though love some­times hurts

I still put you first

And we’ll make this thing work

But I think maybe we should take it slow.

– Or­di­nary Peo­ple by John Leg­end

ALOT of mar­riages are now fall­ing apart as cou­ples some­times con­fuse the short-term rush of emo­tions, known as in­fat­u­a­tion, for some­thing more long-last­ing, like love.

With both emo­tions pro­duc­ing the same rush of adren­a­line in the ini­tial stage, it is even more im­por­tant to know the dif­fer­ence be­fore mak­ing any long-term plans.

Fam­ily and Re­li­gion reached out to guid­ance coun­sel­lor Dawitt Jeffrey for in­sight on the mat­ter, and he ad­mit­ted that the two can be con­fused.

“Though they ex­hibit sim­i­lar emo­tions, love can be dif­fer­en­ti­ated from in­fat­u­a­tion. When we love, it is be­yond what we see and not lim­ited to our emo­tions and how we feel, but it is how we re­act when the sit­u­a­tions of life and bat­tles cross our path,” he said, cit­ing 1 Corinthi­ans 13:4-5 as the land­mark.

“Char­ity suf­fer­eth long, and is kind; char­ity en­vi­eth not; char­ity vaun­teth not it­self, is not puffed up, doth not be­have it­self un­seemly, seeketh not her own, is not eas­ily pro­voked, thin­keth no evil,” he quoted, stat­ing that align­ing with the scrip­ture will re­flect what true love re­ally is.

Un­like love, Jeffrey said in­fat­u­a­tion is short-lived and only lasts for a sea­son.

For him, where in­fat­u­a­tion is con­cerned, when the true strength of the re­la­tion­ship is tested, the minute

‘When we love, it is be­yond what we see and not lim­ited to our emo­tions and how we feel, but it is how we re­act when the sit­u­a­tions of life and bat­tles cross our path.’

some­thing chal­leng­ing is thrown in, every­thing will fall apart.

“When push comes to shove, that is nor­mally the break­ing part that high­lights the point of in­fat­u­a­tion. Love en­dures; in­fat­u­a­tion doesn’t,” he said.

Jeffrey, in talk­ing about the two emo­tions, said that true love can only be tested in one way, and this is when chal­lenges show up in the re­la­tion­ship.

“When con­flicts arise in the re­la­tion­ship, or when per­sons who were bread­win­ners sud­denly lose their jobs, or one part­ner has a se­ri­ous ill­ness and the other must step up to the plate to deal with it, true love will see the spouse stick­ing around, while in­fat­u­a­tion will have them run­ning,” he pointed out.

RED FLAGS

Jeffrey said it is not hard for some­one to tell that they are in the wrong lane where true love is con­cerned. The red flags are there with glar­ing warn­ing if one takes the time to ob­serve, he said.

“If af­ter a while you are the one try­ing to keep the com­mu­ni­ca­tion lines in the re­la­tion­ship go­ing, re­ceiv­ing vague an­swers when you want to make plans for the fu­ture, and all the ini­tial fire that you started off with [is] cool­ing down sig­nif­i­cantly, then ac­cept it for what it is,” cau­tioned Jeffrey.

He also noted that there are other signs to tell that you are not deal­ing with the real thing, and th­ese in­volve part­ners who are stub­born and refuse to com­pro­mise on any­thing. He also said an­other tell-tale sign sur­rounds the is­sue of not be­ing will­ing to sac­ri­fice any­thing to make the re­la­tion­ship work.

“If you are in a re­la­tion­ship with some­one who con­stantly dis­agrees, doesn’t find an in­ter­est in God, and is a dic­ta­tor, then that is not real love,” he said.

“When some­one loves you, they go the ex­tra mile, out of their com­fort zones, to make sure that the per­son they want to spend the rest of their lives with is com­fort­able. Love con­quers ev­ery chal­lenge that we face be­cause with love even­tu­ally comes a so­lu­tion,” Jeffrey said.

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