FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS: Imprisoned at home
Dear Counsellor, I am 13 years old and I feel so overwhelmed during this time – the COVID-19 days. When this pandemic started, I was so happy to be staying home and not having to go to school, but now I am not so happy anymore !!!! My family is driving me up the wall!!! My younger sister is now a ‘terrorist’ and I cannot stand her … she is always in my face and interfering with my things. My parents are also very anxious about every little thing that I do, or don’t do, and we cannot even go to the gate to look out. We are in the house 24/7 and it is getting to me. The classes online are a welcome distraction, but I am now overwhelmed by the amount of assessments I have to submit … it is too much. I realise, too, that my parents seem a little bit uncomfortable with each other. This family is just a mess right now. How can I get through this? When are we going back to school? – D.M.
Dear D.M.,
COVID-19 has forced us to find creative ways of interacting with our families. I believe that you are now feeling the effects of your family spending more time than usual together, and that you are running out of creative ways of interacting. Your little sister is also experiencing the same effects, and in her mind, she is reaching out to you as she would other children her age. Fortunately for you, this can create an opportunity to be a good older sibling and teach her some new skills. Arts and craft, colouring and drawing, playing games, and teaching her social graces – like how to sit, to tie her laces, how to wash her hands properly, even teaching her how to read. You see, D.M., this crisis ought to provide you with an opportunity to become bold and innovative and in charge of your feelings, and how you interact with your sister. I can guarantee that if you change how you interact with your sister, you will recognise that the love you have is still there and that it is not as terrible as it now seems.
Your parents now have an added responsibility to ensure that you are safe, and this may cause them to become even more protective than usual. The anxiety that they face is reflective of the love and concern they have for your family’s health and well-being. Just keep doing as they expect and you will be just fine. Going to the gate to look out may not be the best use of the outdoors. Hopefully, you may have enough space in your backyard, where you will not be exposed to others in the community as you would be in the front yard. Ask your father to put up a swing or an obstacle course for outdoor activities for you and family members. It has been suggested that being outside in the sun and being active will help to keep you as healthy as possible. Social distancing may be the reason why you are not allowed to go to the gate to look out. Other children may not be able to resist the temptation to come over and talk or play with you, and then you may be at risk.
As it relates to the overwhelming number of assessment pieces, you may ask your parent(s) to talk with your teachers to see if there may be an adjustment in the workload. You ought to be in grade seven or eight in high school, and I am very aware of the subjects that you are undertaking. Teachers ought to be able to help in that regard.
‘NORMAL’ PARENTS
As it relates to your parents seeming ‘uncomfortable with each other’, that may be similar to how you feel about your sister … always in your face. Parents are individual beings who are facing their own feelings and emotions about health, safety and how COVID-19 has affected them individually and the family as a whole. As individuals, we all need our alone time to de-stress and regroup our feelings and thoughts.
As long as there are is no loud, angry outbursts and any form of abuse, you may count it a blessing that your family is operating as ‘normal’, considering the circumstances. You may suggest that they enjoy some alone time while in the home, perhaps they participate in hobbies they enjoy
– reading a book, gardening, cooking, completing projects in the home, etc. D.M., your family can do things together and as individuals to maintain that balance and prevent you all from climbing the walls. The matter of when you return to school is still the responsibility of the Government. I can assure you that every effort to ensure our safety as a nation will be considered before that is decided. In the meantime, I suggest that you complete the schoolwork, stay connected via social media with your friends, make the best of the current situation, and enjoy your family until this passes.
Be safe! Stay blessed!