Celebrating fathers who mother
IN 1957, an influential book by the Jamaican anthropologist Edith Clarke was published with the provocative title, My Mother Who Fathered Me. It was the Barbadian writer George Lamming who first used that striking image in his 1953 novel In the Castle of My Skin. The narrator described his parents in this way: “. . . my father who had only fathered the idea of me had left me the sole liability of my mother who really fathered me.” The subtitle of Clarke’s book defined its scope: A Study of the Families in Three Selected Communities of Jamaica.
In the first chapter, “The Background,” Clarke documented the history of family relationships: “The residential unit in the plantation system was formed by the mother and her children, with the responsibility for their maintenance resting with the slave owner. The father’s place in the family was never secure. He had no externally sanctioned authority over it and could at any time be physically removed from it. His role might, indeed, end with procreation.” The negative overtones of “authority” are troubling. But the father’s vulnerability was the primary issue that Clarke was highlighting.
Clarke noted that, “As far as the family was concerned, Emancipation, by making it possible for a man to own land and sell his produce, or offer his labour where he pleased, created conditions in which he could assume the role of father and husband without the threat of external interference in these relationships.” But Clarke did admit that, “The fact of Emancipation did not in itself create a set of conditions, social or economic, in which the freed Negro could at once assume the role of father and husband in the new society.”
Emancipated Jamaicans were expected to continue working for low wages on the estates. They were not supposed to own land. Clarke argued that “profound class differences” affected the structure of the family. Landless field labourers could not afford the luxury of middle-class domestic arrangements. Many of them did not submit to the restrictions of monogamous marriage that were advocated by well-intentioned missionaries. Their family structures were much looser.
BURDENS OF CHILD RAISING
One hundred and eighty-five years after Emancipation and almost seven decades after the publication of Clarke’s book, the make-up of families in Jamaica still reflects our history of plantation slavery. The Jamaica Survey of Living Conditions 2021, published by the Planning Institute of Jamaica and the Statistical Institute of Jamaica, confirms that 39.9 per cent of households in the sample that was studied are headed by women with children and no man in residence.
Some of these single mothers do the very best they can to provide for their children without the regular assistance of reliable fathers. The role of many fathers still ends at procreation, as in the centuries of plantation slavery. It’s the extended family of uncles, aunts and grandparents who often help the single mother bear the burdens of child raising.
One of the ironies of the idealised nuclear family is that in many homes where the father is supposedly present, he is often absent in ways that do matter. These marginal fathers contribute very little to the care of children. Their primary role is breadwinner and that’s about it. Of course, their financial contribution to the home is essential. But should their presence not be felt in other ways?
In November 2023, the Institute for Gender and Development Studies (IGDS) at The University of the West Indies hosted a panel discussion on “Masculinity, Fatherhood and Children’s Rights.” In an editorial on the panel’s theme, Professor Diana J. Fox, University Director of the IDGS, and Marcus Kissoon, Gender and Child Rights Activist, observed that, “Children’s capacity to thrive requires the active participation of parents and caregivers in the lives of children. Yet some roles of parenting are met with resistance by some men which results in fear and discomfort in engaging in essentially what is care work.”
HIT-AND-RUN SPERM DONOR
The Jamaica Survey of Living Conditions 2021 reported that in the households headed by men, 24.1 per cent are with women and children. There are 47.1 per cent with no woman and no child. In addition, a mere 5.2 per cent of households are headed by men with children and no woman in residence. They are a very small number. But these men are a powerful symbol of hope for the future. They are overturning the negative stereotype of the hit-and-run sperm donor.
For some of them, it’s certainly not easy. In August 2023, THE STAR published a story on Rajah Brown headlined, “Single dad seeks help.” Brown, a young man in his twenties, launched a crowdfunding campaign on Real Helping Hands and has reached approximately one quarter of his goal of US$8,000 to support his son Joaquin.
THE STAR reported that, “The single father said he has no certification, but has stopped at nothing to provide for his child. His most recent job was as an attendant in a wholesale. He said that he was forced to quit that job a year ago after his child’s mother walked out on them.”
Men like Rajah Brown are fathering much more than the idea of their children. They are actually caring for their sons and daughters. Like so many single mothers, these single fathers are doing double duty. On Mother’s Day, we must celebrate all those fathers who are mothering their children to the best of their ability. In the same spirit, on Father’s Day, we must honour all those single mothers who are fathering their children. Or, we could just follow the US Congress and start celebrating National Single Parent Day on March 21. That’s one import we can definitely afford.