Who needs a wedding?

We are married in our hearts

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a few years. I have a problem that I would like you to help me with. I have six children and am 40 years old. The six children are for two men.

The first man promised he was going to marry me. He went away and never returned. He sent money for the children but didn’t send it directly to me. He said he was afraid I would have his address and report him. After a while, the money stopped coming.

The children were young so I picked up another man. He helped me with the children and gave me three more. At first, I didn’t love him, but grew to love him. He is a farmer and I would go and work ‘ground’ with him and send the children to school. Two of them are teachers and all the children call him Daddy.

Pastor, this man and I built a house together. He is a humble man. He doesn’t drink, but he smokes. I ask him over and over why he is not marrying me. He told me we are already married, in our hearts, and he doesn’t have to go before the pastor.

About five years ago, he measured my finger. I was so happy because I thought he was going to marry me. He put a ring on my finger and said, “Now we are married.” Pastor, I would like you to talk to him for me. Keep up the good work.

L.G

Dear L.G,

I am glad you found a caring man. He is not only caring but hard-working. Even the children, who are not his, biologically, love him. The problem is, like many others, believe they shouldn’t get married, according to the laws of the land. Perhaps he believes that marriage is costly, so it’s going to take away lots of his money.

I suggest you invite someone to talk to him. Perhaps you could ask the pastor of the church you attend, to the house one evening, when you know he will be at home, to talk to both of you about marriage.

Many couples have lived together for years and have never been legally married. Sometimes it is the adult children who arrange the weddings of their parents. People in the neighbourhood took it for granted that these people are married. I have officiated at some of these weddings arranged by children, who were clearly embarrassed that their parents had been living together for many years but married.

I am ready and willing to officiate at your wedding for free. You don’t have to think about paying me at all. Please call my office and speak to my assistant. I will gladly meet and plan for your wedding. This man has already given you a wedding band. If you still want to wear it on the wedding day, you might want to get it cleaned. I’ll be happy to talk to your husband. Call me whenever he is there and it is convenient to do so.

Pastor