Desperate for him to love me

Dear Pastor, I am having some difficulties with my boyfriend. He is 27 and he is a soldier. I met him last October.

Everything was going on well in our relationship, until one day when he asked me what my sexual fantasy was. I told him that I wanted to experience oral sex, and he told me that he would never do it and also that it has never come to his mind.

I waited for two weeks, and when he was in Montego Bay, I sent him a text message saying that I love him and would like to express my love in a different way, by giving him oral sex if he allowed me to.

He took a while before he answered me, and he said he did not know what to say. After that, he sent me a text telling me that I was free to express my love in whatever way I wanted. I got upset as I was only testing him.

I then sent him another text telling him that I did not think he really needed me and that he only wanted to use me. He broke up with me because I said all that.

Whenever I call him on the phone, he does not answer. I sent him a text telling him that I was sorry for what I said, but he did not reply. Weeks have passed and he has not called. I call him so often crying over the phone, and he still does not respond.

LETTER OF APOLOGY

I sent him a card and wrote him a letter of apology, but those did not help. I told him that I would give him a Christmas present if he would accept it. He said that it was up to me.

I sent him the present and another card, and he did not even call to say thanks. I felt so bad. Since this year, whenever I call him, he answers, but he gives me a lot of attitude and this turns me off.

I asked him when I would be able to see him, and he said that he did not know. I told him that I wanted to make love to him and he said that he had to think about it.

When I asked him about our relationship, he said that he did not have any comments and that he wanted to be by himself.

I asked him if he thinks about me, and he said he was not willing to answer any questions. I called him recently and he told me that we are just going to be friends, as he does not know about the relationship part. I told him that I need a relationship with him and asked him if he could forgive me. He said that he will not forgive me. Pastor, I have tried enough. I even asked my family and friends to call him and speak to him, and things are still the same. He also said that he respected me enough to be his wife, and he never expected that from me. I feel so ashamed of myself. I pray and ask God to help me and to come in the midst of my relationship and work it out.

I am stressed out. My blood pressure is very high for a 26year-old woman. I told him that I don’t deserve this kind of treatment, and he told me that I slipped up and that is why I am getting it. Please pray for me. I need your help. I feel like committing suicide.

M.S. Dear M.S., You are very fortunate that this man has not taken you on. What you don’t realise is that he is probably looking at you as a cheap girl.

You see, you told the man about having oral sex with him and right away it clicked in his mind that you have practised that with other men.

Now let me make it clear, when it comes to the question of oral sex, I do not advocate, encourage, or condemn the practice.

If married couples want to engage in the practice, that is their business. However, as a counsellor I must point out that oral sex is risky, and promiscuous persons can pass on venereal diseases to each other through the act.

My dear, stop begging this man to be your intimate friend. Evidently, he is not interested. He is probably using what you have said as an excuse for not being with you. Dry your tears and forget him.

Pastor