School life is stressing me

Dear Pastor, I’m in a depressive state right now simply because I have not been able to fulfil my dreams. I was trying to work on a scholarship, but that turned out to be futile.

I wanted to get at least seven ones in CSEC, but I only got five ones out of the eight subjects. I was so disappointed, but I got over it.

I also wanted to do some voluntary service and join some clubs because I understood that that is one of the requirements for a scholarship, but I could not because I had to work every day after school in order to finance myself, because my mother could not afford to take care of me. So, that’s how I got lunch money, because my father died a very long time ago.

I’ve always felt disappointed in myself and I guess I have very low self-esteem. When I did GSAT, I was placed at a junior high school and I cried my eyes out.

At one point I blamed my mother because she could not afford to buy textbooks for me to use, so I barely got to practise.

I realised that maybe I was selfish to do that, because they are many children who were in similar positions and did great.

I, however, managed to pass my GNAT and was placed at a prominent high school. However, I had to repeat a year, which angered me.

I managed to finance myself through high school by working after school with a family member in the nights up to sixth form (lower six).

I didn’t get to pay my school fee for sixth form because the money that I saved, I had to use it to pay for my CAPE subjects and Dear R.E., You have done well. In fact, I would say very well and you need to give God thanks. Stop complaining.

Sometimes you say that you are thankful for buy the books that I needed and other school stuff.

The problem is, now that I have applied to a couple of universities, I was hoping that I could get student loan.

NO GUARANTOR

But I had no guarantor and I didn’t want to burden any of my family members by asking them, because most of them barely have enough collateral, plus no one really wants to run the risk.

I knew I had no chance of getting any scholarships.

I’m thinking about trying to get a job and probably saving to go to university, although it’s going to take some years to come up with that funding.

I don’t think I want to go to upper six because I can’t stand the late-night work and trying to get homework done and studying, also.

I don’t think that I can manage that anymore. I don’t get paid that much because I’m working where you are now, but then you continue by complaining.

If you work hard and pray, God will open a way for you. Learn to put God first and God will bless you for a family member, I guess.

So, I don’t really complain about it. I got my CAPE results. Now, it’s not what I wanted, but I am still grateful that I got only ones, twos and threes.

I feel I could have done a lot better if I had the time like other students. I feel frustrated at times because I really wanted to be successful.

Most people look up to me because, unlike other boys from my community, I did not drop out of high school and I managed to get a high-school diploma.

To be honest, I just wanted to finish university so I could help my mother because she really needs the help, plus she is not that literate, so it’s difficult for her to get a job.

I also wanted to be useful to my grandmother who I’m now living with, and I also wanted to start university very soon.

I’ve learnt to accept my state and I just hope to become successful in life. I hope to start university soon so I can uplift myself and others who are in a similar position.

R.E. and give you the desire of your heart. Pastor