ABU­SIVE EX-BOYFRIEND WANTS ME BACK

The Star (Jamaica) - - PASTOR -

Dear Pas­tor, I’m 24 years old and I have been a reader of your col­umn for years now. When my mom buys THE STAR, I would read your sec­tion first. I never knew I would have been writ­ing to you now. My prob­lem is that I re­cently broke up with my boyfriend. He’s very lazy. He doesn’t like to work. I asked him if he wants to go back to school and he says yes, but I don’t see him push­ing to­wards it. I’m the one who al­ways has to be find­ing food, buy­ing gas, etc. Some­time, I don’t push or say that I don’t have any money. Now and then he will buy and sell ground pro­vi­sion or do day’s work.

We were liv­ing to­gether for two years at his par­ents’ house, but we had our own room. He was a very jeal­ous man — al­ways ac­cus­ing me of cheat­ing, along with other things. My mother doesn’t like him be­cause she says that I’m run­ning a risk with my life, and we have not been to­gether for long. I felt bad be­cause she is my mother. He’s al­ways get­ting up­set over sim­ple things, de­stroy­ing things, and he was al­ways quick to hit me.

I used to buy him stuff. One time I bought him a phone, and he be­came up­set be­cause I wasn’t pay­ing him any at­ten­tion, and he dam­aged the phone and also mine. I bought an­other one for my­self. I Dear A.P., You are 24 years old and you were liv­ing with a man in his par­ents’ house. This young man proved that he was not a good man. Al­though he was in his par­ents’ house, he did not treat you with re­spect. He beat you, and you came to re­alise that you should not stay with him. You ended the re­la­tion­ship with him. He has now come to see that it was a big loss when you left him. So, he is beg­ging you to come back. You should know that you would be mak­ing a big mis­take to re­new the friend­ship with him.

You should ask your­self this ques­tion: what would you tell the other young man that you have even bought him clothes and other stuff, and he burns them in front of me when­ever he is up­set.

I re­cently left his place be­cause I was tired of his be­hav­iour. He doesn’t get along with his par­ents. They are al­ways curs­ing each other. It is like they want to kill each other. I don’t want to end up like other women, so I told him it is bet­ter for us not to be in a re­la­tion­ship. I was work­ing at a restau­rant, and I met an­other guy. He’s younger than I, but very nice and ma­ture. Things my boyfriend wasn’t think­ing of do­ing for his fu­ture, this guy has been do­ing so. I re­ally de­scribed to be a Chris­tian? You said that young man is ma­ture and that he treats you well. Which woman does not want good? If you want good, you should stay with the present young man and don’t make your­self a fool by go­ing back to the guy you were forced to leave.

ASK FOR GUID­ANCE

You plan to get bap­tised very soon. So, if you are plan­ning to get bap­tised be­cause you want both of you to serve the Lord to­gether, I would sug­gest that you and this young man go to see the pas­tor of the church and ask him for guid­ance. I pray the Lord will like him a lot. He’s a Chris­tian, and I’m go­ing to get bap­tised soon. He al­ways gives me things and is al­ways there for me. I don’t want to hurt him be­cause he seems like a man of his words, and he will live up to a re­spon­si­ble stan­dard.

But, my ex-boyfriend keeps beg­ging me to come back in his life, and is telling me that he’s a changed per­son. I’m afraid. I don’t know what to do. Can you help me to make the cor­rect de­ci­sion?

A.P. help the both of you to learn to love and re­spect each other. Make sure that you go back to school, if you are not al­ready at­tend­ing school. You need to get a good ed­u­ca­tion or learn a skill. Skilled peo­ple are needed in Ja­maica. In fact, wher­ever you go, if you have learnt a skill, you will be able to work and sup­port your­self.

Don’t give your man the im­pres­sion that you love him, while you are fool­ing around the guy you used to live with. I re­peat, have noth­ing to do with the guy you used to live with. You have my prayers.

Pas­tor

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