Boyfriend pres­sur­ing me to move in with him

The Star (Jamaica) - - PASTOR -

Dear Pas­tor, I am 19 years old and I am hav­ing a prob­lem. My mother has seven of us — four girls and three boys. We aren’t all for the same fa­ther. Two of my older sis­ters are liv­ing with their boyfriends, and they have chil­dren. Both of them got preg­nant while they were in school. We know that our mother couldn’t do bet­ter. She is al­ways do­ing a lit­tle buy­ing and sell­ing, and some­times she would go away for two days, and we were left on our own.

We knew that she went out to hus­tle. I heard my fa­ther curs­ing my mother and ask­ing her if she is not tired of sell­ing. He was not talk­ing about sell­ing Cheese Trix or bag juice. When I wanted money to go to school, I had to go to my fa­ther. Once, my fa­ther told me that he was not sure that he was my fa­ther, but I look like my fa­ther.

Some­times the money my fa­ther gives me, is what my mother uses to pro­vide for all of us. When I was 17 years old, I started hav­ing sex with my boyfriend, and we are still to­gether. My mother knew when I started hav­ing sex. When I started to have sex, I kept it as a se­cret. But when I did not see my pe­riod, my mother told me that she no­ticed that I hadn’t seen my pe­riod, and she was won­der­ing if I got preg­nant, I told her no. She asked me when was the last time I had sex and I told her.

When my pe­riod came, I told her and she said she knew that it had come. My boyfriend wants me to come and live with him, but I don’t want to go, be­cause some­times my mother is not at home and my other sib­lings are left here alone, so my boyfriend comes and stays here. My mother does not say any­thing about it.

All my mother is in­ter­ested in is money. Ev­ery week my boyfriend gives me money, and I give my mother some­thing out of it, but she is al­ways ask­ing me for more.

My fa­ther met my boyfriend and they hit it off well. My boyfriend told me that he is giv­ing me one more year to make up my mind to leave my mother and live with him. He is 25 years old. He said he needs a child. I don’t want to lose him. I think he will make me a great hus­band.

Do you think I should move in with him and stop giv­ing my mother money?

K.H. Dear K.H., Your mother has not set a good ex­am­ple for her chil­dren. She is be­hav­ing as if it is quite nor­mal for her daugh­ters who are not mar­ried to live with men and ex­pect these men to give them money, and then she ben­e­fits from the money that her daugh­ters get from men. She has no shame. She be­haves as if it is nor­mal for her chil­dren to know that she sells her body. She goes out and does not come home for days. I think that is shame­ful.

When chil­dren are left alone, they may do any­thing they please, and per­haps that is why two of your sis­ters left the house and are now liv­ing with their boyfriends. You are un­der pres­sure to leave, and be­cause you have re­fused to leave and you have to help take care of your younger sib­lings, your boyfriend comes to the house and sleeps with you. And your mother does not see any­thing wrong with what you are do­ing.

You have not said any­thing about go­ing to school, so what I would en­cour­age you to do is to go back to school. I know that you are in need, but try to break the cy­cle. If you were to get an ed­u­ca­tion, you would be able to sup­port your­self and as­sist your sib­lings.

If you are not care­ful, you will end up preg­nant. So, if you be­lieve that you have to have sex, please use pro­tec­tion.


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