Boyfriend pressuring me to move in with him
Dear Pastor, I am 19 years old and I am having a problem. My mother has seven of us — four girls and three boys. We aren’t all for the same father. Two of my older sisters are living with their boyfriends, and they have children. Both of them got pregnant while they were in school. We know that our mother couldn’t do better. She is always doing a little buying and selling, and sometimes she would go away for two days, and we were left on our own.
We knew that she went out to hustle. I heard my father cursing my mother and asking her if she is not tired of selling. He was not talking about selling Cheese Trix or bag juice. When I wanted money to go to school, I had to go to my father. Once, my father told me that he was not sure that he was my father, but I look like my father.
Sometimes the money my father gives me, is what my mother uses to provide for all of us. When I was 17 years old, I started having sex with my boyfriend, and we are still together. My mother knew when I started having sex. When I started to have sex, I kept it as a secret. But when I did not see my period, my mother told me that she noticed that I hadn’t seen my period, and she was wondering if I got pregnant, I told her no. She asked me when was the last time I had sex and I told her.
When my period came, I told her and she said she knew that it had come. My boyfriend wants me to come and live with him, but I don’t want to go, because sometimes my mother is not at home and my other siblings are left here alone, so my boyfriend comes and stays here. My mother does not say anything about it.
All my mother is interested in is money. Every week my boyfriend gives me money, and I give my mother something out of it, but she is always asking me for more.
My father met my boyfriend and they hit it off well. My boyfriend told me that he is giving me one more year to make up my mind to leave my mother and live with him. He is 25 years old. He said he needs a child. I don’t want to lose him. I think he will make me a great husband.
Do you think I should move in with him and stop giving my mother money?
K.H. Dear K.H., Your mother has not set a good example for her children. She is behaving as if it is quite normal for her daughters who are not married to live with men and expect these men to give them money, and then she benefits from the money that her daughters get from men. She has no shame. She behaves as if it is normal for her children to know that she sells her body. She goes out and does not come home for days. I think that is shameful.
When children are left alone, they may do anything they please, and perhaps that is why two of your sisters left the house and are now living with their boyfriends. You are under pressure to leave, and because you have refused to leave and you have to help take care of your younger siblings, your boyfriend comes to the house and sleeps with you. And your mother does not see anything wrong with what you are doing.
You have not said anything about going to school, so what I would encourage you to do is to go back to school. I know that you are in need, but try to break the cycle. If you were to get an education, you would be able to support yourself and assist your siblings.
If you are not careful, you will end up pregnant. So, if you believe that you have to have sex, please use protection.