My man is a waste of time

The Star (Jamaica) - - Pastor -

Dear Pas­tor,

I am writ­ing to you be­cause I am in deep de­pres­sion. I am 21 years old, and I am work­ing to­wards my fu­ture. I have a boyfriend who is in his early 20s as well. Our re­la­tion­ship is not yet a year old. He ex­presses his love to me in a way that gets me very scared. He some­times will say that I am his world and if I leave him, he doesn’t know what he will do and might do some­thing crazy.

Pas­tor, we barely see each other. He lives with a fam­ily mem­ber, and I hate to go there. I live in a rented house, and my space is not enough for my boyfriend to come here, which he un­der­stands at times, he will nag me about it.

I re­cently lost a loved one, and that took a toll on me as well. My boyfriend has al­ways wanted a baby with me. I told him that nei­ther of us are not ready for a child. He keeps telling me that I am at the right age to have a child so that when­ever the child gets old, I will not be so old. How­ever, we had sex and he didn’t have any con­doms. He told me that he would pull out, so I agreed to have sex with him. He ac­tu­ally ejac­u­lated in­side of me and told me that he was sorry.


For weeks, he has been nag­ging me, telling me that he is 100 per cent sure that I am preg­nant and that I must not kill his baby. I told him I am not preg­nant. He thinks I am ly­ing. He nags my phone 24/7. He doesn’t act like he is grown. When­ever we talk over the phone, he will ask ques­tions that he has al­ready asked, and that gets me up­set be­cause it is like he doesn’t lis­ten.

He also wants to move out of the house he is in and rent a place. He asked me to come live with him. I told him no, and he asked why. I told him that I don’t want to live with any man as yet. He is not happy about that, and it seems as if he no longer wants to move from his fam­ily place.

I don’t ask him for favours be­cause he is not fi­nan­cially stable. I don’t feel this re­la­tion­ship any­more, and it’s drain­ing my en­ergy. I try to tell him that I am not into the re­la­tion­ship any­more, but he al­ways brings up what is he go­ing to tell his friends and fam­ily and what he will do if I leave.

Pas­tor, I be­lieve that a per­son is a whole per­son, need­ing no one to com­plete them. He needs to be the whole per­son, need­ing no recog­ni­tion. I don’t think he is a whole per­son, which is a deficit. Some­times I won­der if he is al­ways this emo­tional in all his re­la­tion­ships. We don’t do any­thing what­so­ever to­gether ex­cept meet and greet and some­times spend a lit­tle time around each other. Some­times he says things that make me think he is not fully grown. Some­times he is like, “I can’t be­lieve you don’t call me from morn­ing, I can’t be­lieve my mother has not called.” He is not whole. He still acts like a child. He is very emo­tional and that is what I don’t like. I just want him to fo­cus on him­self and re­build his strength.

I have told him that he needs to stop ask­ing me ques­tions that he has al­ready asked. I am tired of the re­la­tion­ship, Pas­tor. Some­times it doesn’t make any sense and I don’t know what to do. In this new year, I just want to deepen my re­la­tion­ship with God. I just want my fo­cus to be on God. Please, give me your ad­vice. I have writ­ten to you be­fore and you helped me a lot. I need your ad­vice on this re­la­tion­ship. Tell me what you think. Please re­spond.

Ini­tials With­held

Dear ......,

You have come to re­alise that this man is a waste of time. You should tell him that you want to end the re­la­tion­ship, and that you want to give him time to grow up. He may fuss about what you say, but you should stand firm. I agree with you. He is not ma­ture. As­sure him of your prayers and move on.


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