Two perverts have ruined my life

Dear Pastor,

I have been struggling with a problem for years. When I was in grade five, my aunt’s husband tried to molest me.

When the adults were away one night, he was alone in the room with me and his daughter. He licked my ear while his daughter’s back was turned.

He tried to touch my breasts, but I kept pushing him away until he finally stopped.

Pastor, I was a shy and quiet child. I was afraid of embarrassment, so I never told anyone. Years later as a teenager in high school, I told my mother because those memories kept haunting me, and they still do today.

What hurts the most is that my mom did not do anything about it. She just told me to keep quiet. I was hurt even more because she didn’t protect me. I have to get up and look in their faces every day. I hate him and his family.

I just want to know how to get past it. I never told my dad because I was afraid, and now I am an adult. I just want him and the world to know that the man is a pervert.

WANT TO MOVE ON

I can’t get these memories out of my head and I want him to be punished. Could I still press charges against him after nine years? How do I move on with my life after so many years and it is still affecting me?

Also, while I was a teenager (15 years old), I had sex with an adult male. I thought this man was 17 until a friend of mine told me that he was about 20 or 21.

I did not realise what I was doing was wrong. However, the male knew exactly what age I was. Pastor, I was fine with this as a teenager.

However, when I became an adult I realised that it was wrong. A teenager isn’t mentally prepared for sex.

I wasn’t the first underage girl he had sex with and I know that. I just want him to stop doing that. Could I do anything about it now?

I suspect that my family knew, but they didn’t say anything. This man still comes around; however, we don’t talk and he is always trying to seek my attention.

I have a boyfriend of almost five years who I love very much and want to spend my life with. I don’t want this to affect our relationship even though I told him everything and he tries to advise me on the situation and makes me happy.

I did well in school; I’m even in college now. These men are child molesters. Pastor, what could I do to get justice?

Initial Withheld Dear Writer,

Let us try to reason this matter. While you were at your aunt’s house, her husband tried to sexually molest you.

You did not complain to any adult about it until you were in your teens and was attending high school. She told you to be quiet about it.

I do not know why she advised you not to say anything else to anyone. Perhaps she was afraid that other family members would not have believed you. Or maybe she feared that your father would have confronted this man and something serious between them could have developed. You felt hurt because your mother did not stand up for you.

Now that you are older, you should discuss the matter with your mother and ask her why she told you not to tell anyone. I would say that you deserve to know why. I am glad that you were smart enough to resist this man.

HARD TO PROVE

Concerning the young man with whom you had sex when you were 15. You came to realise that he was really 20 or 21 and you considered that he took advantage of you, and now you would like to see him punished.

This, I am sure, would be very difficult to prove and so would be the sexual advance you experienced with your aunt’s husband.

However, I suggest that you make an appointment to see a family counsellor and discuss with him or her the unfortunate experiences that you have had with these men.

He or she will make suggestions after asking you questions.

Personally, I am glad that your boyfriend has been able to comfort you. I am sure that he has told you not to blame yourself for what has happened, and has assured you that he will be with you all the way.

Pastor