Struggling to care for my two children

Dear Pastor,

I love reading your column. I really admire your work. I always wanted to write to you. I’m 24 years old and I have two children.

I’m very depressed, stressed, and have been having suicidal thoughts running through my head lately.

When I got pregnant with my first child, I was raped. I was going to give him up for adoption, but when he was born, I changed my mind.

Now I have another baby and every time my baby sucks my breasts, the rape from my past comes to mind.

It is very stressing now to take care of my first son. I am his mom and dad in one. Plus, my babyfather is not minding his baby (my second child).

Every day he claims that he doesn’t have any money. To tell you the truth, if I could help myself I would just forget about him and take care of my baby myself. I am getting to hate him.

My babyfather is very abusive. All he does is criticise me and find faults with my body. He says that my belly is full of stretch marks. I just want to get away. He curses me every day.

We also fight. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I also want you to help me to get a job so that I would be able to take care of my children. My son is to go back to school soon and I don’t know where to find the first cent.

NO MONEY

I was thinking of starting my own business by doing a little buying and selling, but I don’t have any money to start. My babyfather doesn’t like my son.

He said that he is rude, so he doesn’t really give him anything.

Sometimes to get away from him, I go to my mom’s house but when I am there, my son is hungry because I don’t have anything to give him, and so he cries all day for food.

And whenever the baby cries, it is like I am going crazy. I just feel like giving up sometimes.

When I feel like I can’t take the stress, something keeps telling me to kill my son, my baby and myself and I would be out of my miseries.

But I try to pray. Please, I need you to pray for me. I need some guidance. I feel so confused.

G.R.