Ex-wife doesn’t want to marry me

Dear Pastor,

I hope you are doing well, and I wish you God’s richest blessings. I’m a follower of your programme, but this is my first time seeking your advice. I am 37 years old. I was divorced twice and I am a father of one son. I’m presently trying to work things out with my first ex-wife with whom I share my son. We got married when we were young. I was in the military, but we had our faults and we broke up after seven years of marriage.

Pastor, the problem is, it’s been almost a year since I’ve been trying, but she acts as if she is the perfect person and I’m the one who needs all the adjustments to fit in her life. Oh, I forgot to say that she is a Christian. I, too, was a Christian but I lost my way. It’s my desire to serve the Lord again. She wants me to treat her as if we are in a relationship but at the same time, she’s telling me she is not ready. She wants us to go out on vacation together and I’m the one who will cover the cost, but we can’t have sex. I told her to let us get married again, but she is not ready because she is looking for all the faults in me, yet she expects me to treat her as if we are in a relationship.

She sleeps over at my house with my son whenever she pleases and has her way and I just let her. Pastor, I like sex and I’ve held out for her because I want to give our relationship a chance. I know she is a Christian, so sex outside of marriage is wrong, but it’s been a year and I just feel like giving up. She doesn’t want to get married. She is not ready for a relationship with me, but still she wants everything that a relationship offers out of me. Plus, she has this alpha mentality. I’m going to stop here because it’s a lot. Hope to hear from you.

J.E.

Dear J.E.,

You have been a very patient man with this woman. She is trying her best to get as much as she can out of you without making any commitment to you. She is using her son as the means of getting to do whatever she wants. So, it is up to you to decide how long you will tolerate such a behaviour. You have to make up your mind whether you will continue to allow her to use you.

If you are tired of her behaviour, tell her you are not willing to continue to have her behave as if she has a hold on you, because you want to have a normal life and she is punishing you. Please understand that I am not saying this woman should have sex with you. What I am saying is that both of you must decide to get married again or stay away from each other. She must not be allowed to take you for granted.

Pastor