CONCERNED THAT MY FIANCÉ MAY BE A FREAK

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian young woman and while I do not know you, I have read so many of your articles that I feel that I can speak to you as if I am talking to you face-to-face.

My boyfriend and I are planning to get married next Easter. My boyfriend likes to talk about crazy stuff and he has got me talking about them, too. We were talking about children recently and how many we should have. I told him that one would be enough for me, but he said he would love to have three, so I compromised and told him that I will consider having two and hopefully we can have one boy and one girl. Then the conversation switched to the type of protection that we would use. We have not had sex together. My boyfriend is not a virgin, but I am and I would like to give up my virginity on our wedding night. He told me that he doesn’t know if he can wait so long but he will try. I told him that it is something he should look forward to.

I am 21 and he is 27. We go on dates but I do not go to his home because I know what would happen there. He visits me at my parent’s home where I live, so I know no sex can take place there. He treats me like a lady. He buys me expensive gifts but I cannot afford to give him expensive gifts. He is in a good job, but I am in university. Recently, he had a birthday and I surprised him when he came to see me. I baked a lovely cake for him with the help of my mother and we had dinner at my house and I served him cake. He was so appreciative of it. He told me something that I need you to tell me whether it is right. He said that when we get married we should use edible condoms. I told him that would be nasty and I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I love him but sometimes the things he says cause me to question whether he is the right partner for me. Sometimes I ask my mother questions. I discuss my love life with her, but I will not mention that to her. My older sister told me that she knows about flavoured condoms, but I didn’t explain what my boyfriend told me. He is hoping that we can get married before next Easter and I am hoping that I can get to know him better before I commit myself to him.

V.L.,

Dear V.L.,

You say that you are a virgin and your boyfriend is not. I suggest you buy books by Christian authors that would help you to prepare for your life as a married woman. There are many Christian books that can tell you what to expect as a young married woman, so the things you would read about you should share with your boyfriend. Nothing your boyfriend says to you should embarrass you because both of you need to practise good communication before you get married. You also need to have counselling sessions, either with the minister who will officiate at your wedding or a pastor, and there you would discuss everything about sex, children and marriage. When you start to have counselling sessions, you should ask your mother for guidance, too. She would be glad to help you because she knows that you are no longer a little girl. You are a woman and certain things will be required of you. Even this matter about edible condoms, it is something that you should discuss when having the counselling sessions. I suspect that there is something more than edible condoms that your fiancé wanted to talk to you about, but I will leave that there.

Pastor