My son’s girlfriend is too untidy

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I have two sons but only one is living with me. I raised them on my own because their father died when they were children.

Both of them did very well in school. I denied myself many things to give them a good education. My older son got a scholarship and went abroad to study. He fell in love with a girl who is half- Chinese and he got married. He said he is not coming back to live in Jamaica. His brother helps me to pay all the bills and he doesn’t even want a fly to come near me. Any time he sees a man visiting me he wants to know who the man is and I should remember that I am 50 years old. He said he and his brother can more than support me so I don’t need a man in my life. Sometimes I have to laugh. I don’t really have a man but sometimes I feel for a man. But the real reason why I write to you is because my son who is living with me has a girlfriend and she is very beautiful but she is very untidy. She hardly cleans the bathroom that they use. I asked her why and she said she doesn’t have the time, because when she wakes up she only has time to get ready for work. She makes breakfast and leaves the dishes in the sink and I have to wash them. I told my son to speak to her and he said she is a modern-day girl and that is how modern-day girls behave. She hangs her underwear in a bucket. I have never met a girl like this and yet she is a lovely girl and she has respect for me. I don’t want to always complain to my son for him to think I don’t like her. She has a car and anywhere I want to go, she is willing to take me and she is not mean, but she is very untidy.

S.W.

Dear S.W.,

I am glad to hear that your children have done well. I congratulate you for giving your life for your children, so to speak, and I can see what you have done for them. You should not feel that your son who is living with you is out of order to tell you that you don’t need a man in your life. That is how some boys react to their mothers when they see men coming around to visit. Some of them even talk to the men and tell them that they should not come to the house because their mothers don’t need anybody. Boys behave that way because they don’t want any man to take advantage or to ill-treat their mothers, so do not let your son’s reaction depress you at all. Concerning your son’s girlfriend, I suggest you take her under your wing. You say she is respectful but as I see she has never been taught how to take care of a home. Perhaps she grew up in a house where she had helpers and the helpers did everything. She didn’t have to do anything but get ready and go to work, so I am going to beg you to take time with her and help her because she can learn to take care of the things that you see she is lacking. I hope she will become a good partner for your son and I wish them well.

Pastor