The Star (Jamaica)

This woman doesn’t want me to help my children


Dear Pastor,

I am only 40 years old and I am having a problem. I am a divorcee. I am now friendly with another woman. I have my own house, but I am not living there. I have rented it out. I am still paying mortgage for it, but very soon it will be fully paid for. The income from my earning, as well as the rent, is more than enough to pay the mortgage.

This woman I am living with works at a school. I tried to be honest with her. She knows what I earn. I have two children, a boy and a girl. They are living with their mother and both of them are over 18 years old, but I still try to help them because one of them is in university and needs my support. This woman who I am living with doesn’t want me to help my children at all. She said they are old enough to be on their own. She is so aggressive that my children do not want to visit me at all.

The house that I am paying mortgage for was bought in my name and in the name of my children’s mother. If anything should happen to me, such as death, I would want the house to go to my children. However, because I told this woman what I would like to happen in the event that I die, she now wants to know what she would get from me. I am a builder and the land that my girlfriend’s house is on is big. She told me that I should add on a room, a kitchen and bathroom to the house, so we can have that to rent out and get some money out of it. I am quite willing to do so, but I told her she should wait until my daughter graduates from university. She said she cannot wait so long and that I am putting my children before her.

I have a friend who is 85 years old and I was talking to him about my problem. He told me not to build anything on this woman’s house because she doesn’t have a good mind and I should not trust her. How do you see it, Pastor? I like her, but she is very aggressive and wants to have her own way all the time.


Dear D.W.,

This aggressive woman cannot be trusted and I suggest that as soon as you are able to, you should go back to your home and live there. I must be very frank with you; any woman who doesn’t want a man to assist his children is not a good woman. I know that from what you have written that these are adult children, but from time to time adult children need the help of their parents, especially if they are attending university or trying to purchase property, etc, and a good woman should encourage her man to assist them and not to turn away from them.

I would say to you, dear sir, that she is not a good woman, and you should not listen to her or contemplat­e marrying her. The senior citizen has given you good advice. Do not do any addition to her house. If you were to do so, perhaps as soon as you are finished building, she would run you away. I am talking to you straight; and some men don’t like straight talk, even when it is good for them. Pastor

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