Convinced my husband is cheating

Dear Pastor,

I am worried because during the rain when I expected my husband to be home, he was not here. I called him and he said that he got held up but was coming home.

But he never came, and to make matters worse, he stopped answering his phone. I suspected that he was at a woman’s house. He came home early on Wednesday and said his phone went dead and he couldn’t get any transportation. I don’t believe him. He has a babymother. She is his side chick. When he got her pregnant, I wanted to leave him but he begged me not to. When I asked my husband where he slept on Tuesday night, he said he was at his grandmother’s house. He said that because he knows that his grandmother and I don’t get along. When he proposed to me and he told her, she told him that I cannot help him.

I called her and told her that she did not have any right to tell him that, because when he came to live with me he had nothing, not even a proper underpants. I had to use my money to buy clothes for him. His side chick and his grandmother are good friends.

I forgave him when he got the girl pregnant, but

I am not going to sit here and let him carry on with her or any other woman. I have been trying to keep myself from cheating, but I am tempted and I told him so. Believe me, if I start to cheat I am not going to stop. Right now, I could have an affair with one of his friends, and he has offered me money that I can use. I wouldn’t want anybody to laugh at him, but I have tried to be a good woman and I am not getting the respect that I deserve. I am working in an office, and two of the girls have told me that they cheated on their husbands because their husbands cheated on them and they wanted to punish them. I did not know that I could come to the place where I felt like cheating, but what my husband did to me on Tuesday night has really upset me. If I ever start to cheat on him, I will also make plans to leave him. We have two children and I will take them to America. I know that you will not agree with me, but my heart is full.

Y.L.

Dear Y.L.,

Your husband is behaving as a fool and he should not take you as a fool. It is a fact that the weather condition was bad on Tuesday. Tropical Storm Grace was passing by, but wherever your husband was he should have tried to get home. If indeed he was at his side chick’s house, she probably persuaded him to stay with her, but he should have resisted her. What he said about his phone is utter nonsense. Even if his phone was not working, he should have found his way home. He must have known that you were worried and that you needed him. He is playing with his relationship, and he is causing you to seriously consider ending the marriage. I hope that you will not give up on the relationship. I say that because you are not sure that he was with another woman. He told you that he was at his grandmother’s house, and she will not confirm that because she doesn’t like you. Now, please listen to me. If you believe that you have to move on from this man, do so without getting sexually involved with other men. I know that it is true that some women give ‘bun’ as revenge because their husbands cheated, but don’t do that. It is said that men like to give bun but they can’t take bun, and you are likely to kill your husband if you were to become sexually involved with his friend. Perhaps his friend would love to take you away from him, but you do not want to do anything that will cause people to believe that you caused your husband and yourself to break up. So, I repeat, if you feel that you need to leave him, go in peace without cheating on him. Perhaps you should tell him that you both need to make an appointment with a family counsellor. I hope he would agree to seek professional help. Take good care of your lovely self. Let me hear from you again. Pastor