Boyfriend keeps nagging me for sex
Dear Pastor,
I always read your column online and I enjoy your column very much and I am only 17 years old. I have introduced your column to some of my friends.
We talk all the time about your topics. Some of my friends are sexually active but I am not. My boyfriend lost his virginity when he was 16 years old, at least that is what he told me. He asked me for sex when I turned 17 and I turned him down. I told him to wait and he said he will not wait forever. I think he is having sex with other girls. He is always going somewhere. I like him but I don’t trust him.
One of my friends is
19 years old and she says that she is ready to get pregnant. Her mother became pregnant when she was 18 years old and the man who got her pregnant left her and went to America and married a woman there. My mother ended up with four of us.
My father did his best to support us but he has not married my mother. I want the man who gets me pregnant to marry me. Sometimes I think that I would like to get married to a much older man who would not just want me for sex. Every time my boyfriend talks to me on the phone, he asks me for sex and I am tired of it. He is very out of order.
I want to be a banker. What do you think about that?
J.T.
Dear J.T.,
First of all, I want to thank you for reading my column. I hope you find it very helpful. Some of your girlfriends are engaged in casual sex.
It is not something that I would encourage you to do. Many times people who engage in casual sex regret what they have done as they get older. Your boyfriend is really not interested in your future. He wants to have you satisfy his sexual needs and then he can say ‘she used to be my girlfriend but we are not together anymore’. You should keep your head on your body and I know you are doing that. Set your plans. Work hard, go to university and you will achieve your goals. There are some young men out there who are upright and decent and they will not harass you for sex as this young man is doing. If you find it difficult to ignore him, end the friendship with him. Whether you will eventually end up with another guy or a much older man will not be something to worry about now. Concentrate on getting your education now. Take care.
Pastor
Dear T.E,
I can see that you have a rough upbringing and to survive you have had to beat the street. You felt that that was the best way to earn money. That was very unfortunate and you went to bed with Tom, Dick and Harry, including two brothers. These men used you. You did not protect yourself from pregnancy, and they didn’t care. I know some people would say you should do
DNA test to find out who is the child’s father, but this may be very challenging. How many men would you ask to do the test? There have been many.
Although you feel very embarrassed about your past, you cannot change it. When the man who was living with your mother sexually harassed you and you told your mother, she should have stood up with you, but instead, she told you to leave. She is a bad
mother and she was irresponsible. This much older man that you are living with, he rescued you, so to speak. You have a comfortable home and he is providing for you. I know it is not the way you want to live, but for the time being, you have very little choice. Try your best to take care of your baby. You have thought about giving the child up for adoption and it is not a bad idea. The man you are living with don’t want you to give him up
for adoption. He feels that he can support the child, but this man is not a young man, and he might not be physically strong to play the role of a father. You may want to get the opinion of this man’s children. Please consider going back to school and please do not become involved with other men while you are living at this man’s house.
Let me hear from you again. Pastor