Boyfriend wants me to have another child

Dear Pastor,

I am 35 years old and the mother of three children. I became pregnant with my first child when I was very young. The relationship with my first child’s father did not last.

My parents never forgave him for getting me pregnant. We broke up and I went to evening classes, took my examinations, and was successful in seven subjects. I got a job and then, later on, I fell in love with a wonderful man and had two children by him. Unfortunately, this man was involved in an accident and he died. It took a long time to get over him, but I have reached the place now where I have to move on.

My present boyfriend is also in a good job. He wants me to come and live with him, but I have refused to do so. This man is begging me to get pregnant for him. I am not interested in having more children and I told him so. But he does not have any children. This is going to cause us to break up, because I cannot get back to the days where I change diapers and feed a baby. When we went to bed for the first time, I insisted that the condom be used and he didn’t have any. But I was prepared for him, so I gave him one, and he told me that he thought that I said I was not having sex with anyone. I told him that I was not, and he wanted to know why I had condoms. I told him that it’s because of him why I bought them.

Now every time we are together and he wants me to make love to him and I insist that we should use the condom, he says that we do not have to do so because we will get married. I do not want more children. I do not know why he finds it so difficult to accept that. Why is it that some men cannot understand that a woman does not have to have children, or many children, to make her happy? I have three and I am done with that; and I will put my children before any man. I await your comment, and I love you. P.N.

Dear P.N.,

I understand the difficulty with which this man is faced. He does not have children, but he is now in love with you and he wants you to agree to have a child with him. But I also can see why you do not want to have more children. You have three, which you consider enough. I should say to you that it is your body and you should not allow this man, or any other man, to force you to do what you don’t want to do. So your man should accept your children as his.

I want, however, to raise a matter with you. You do not want him to get you pregnant. You can’t deal with breastfeeding and changing diapers, but because he doesn’t have any children, would you agree to adopt a child? I am not saying a little baby, but what about a child who is approximately four or five years old and who would not hinder you from doing the things you want to do? I am not implying that a four- or five-year-old would not demand attention from you. He or she will. But you would not allow yourself to change diapers or push him or her in a stroller. It is only a suggestion I am making.

Pastor