The Star (Jamaica)

I have to keep my babyfather’s identity A SECRET

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‘From the time I got pregnant, I told my brother that this married man was the one who got me pregnant. But I told him that I would like to keep that as a secret. He is a big Government official.’

Dear Pastor,

I have two children. My first child is for a married man. Most people don’t know that he is the father of my child. He carries my last name.

The only person in my family who knows the truth about his father is my eldest brother who is very close to me. From the time I got pregnant, I told my brother that this married man was the one who got me pregnant. But I told him that I would like to keep that as a secret. He is a big Government official. My son has been growing up believing a lie because I told him that his father lives abroad and one of these days, he will get to know him. I told my boyfriend the same thing and my boyfriend takes him out and introduces him as his child.

My son’s father has helped to set me up in business and has also helped me to purchase a three-bedroom town house. I can manage on my own, especially now that I have another man in my life. My son’s father told me that the relationsh­ip with his wife is not going well, so anything can happen in the future. I do not want any more children. But apart from not telling my son the truth about his father, we are very happy.

When do you suggest that I tell my son the truth about his father?

C.S.

Dear C.S.,

Lots and lots of women have been carrying secrets for men. These men have got them pregnant and some men have had to dole out lots of money to keep the paternitie­s a secret. You have kept yours under the rock. Your brother is the only family member who knows the truth. Perhaps you should continue to take your brother into confidence and ask him when he thinks that it would be appropriat­e for you to tell your son.

In my opinion, now that you have hidden the truth from him, you should wait until he has graduated from high school. Or get much more informatio­n from his father about the relationsh­ip with his wife. You need to understand from him what he means when he tells you that the relationsh­ip with his wife and himself is not going well. If you were to believe that, then maybe there is hope that you will get married to him in the future.

Pastor

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