The Star (Jamaica)

Don’t trust my boyfriend’s sons WITH MY DAUGHTERS

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Dear Pastor,

I am a woman and I have two daughters; they are 11 and 13 years old. I have tried my best to support them with the help of their relatives. Their father died without leaving much.

He was a good man but he didn’t make much money. He was 10 years older than me but he did not leave us in big debt. He was a Christian. He did not hide anything from me. He did not have outside children.

The last good thing he did for us was to take us to Disney.

I could have got help but I did not want my daughters to see men coming in and out of my place. These are not the days when you can trust men. So, everything I did was to protect my girls. There is a man who is interested in me. He is divorced. He said that he has been admiring me for a long time. He has his own home. In fact, he had two but he gave one to his ex-wife. His house is much larger than mine but I am not letting that get to my head.

The problem I am facing with him is that his sons are living with him. I do not know if they will be tempted to touch my girls. This man says that will never happen but I don’t know what to do. Boys are boys and these children didn’t grow up as brothers and sisters. Another thing I am worried about is our religion. He is a Sabbath keeper; he goes to church every Saturday. He said he will not stop me from worshippin­g or going to my church on Sundays.

I have a third concern. Although my older daughter is 13, she has big breasts and people think that she is older than her age. I am worried that his sons, who are older than 13, might interfere with her. I love this man but I don’t know what to do.

K.L.

Dear K.L.,

I am sorry to know that the father of your two girls passed on, but I am also happy to know that the girls are doing well. The relatives on their father’s side have done well in assisting you.

I also congratula­te you for being a very wise and strong mother. You have put the welfare of your girls first. You have not just thought about yourself. You were concerned all along for the welfare of your children.

Now, let’s talk about this man who is in love with you. You say he is divorced and he has two sons who are living with him. He has his own home. You are concerned that these boys may yield to temptation and touch your girls inappropri­ately because they did not grow up together in the same home as brothers and sisters. Evidently, you would have preferred for both of you to attend the same church or at least worship on the same day. This man does not consider what you are raising as a problem. But you are not as crazy as he may think and it is better to discuss these things now.

I would suggest that you and this man agree to go to see a family counsellor, one who would be totally neutral. The counsellor should not be a part of your church or his church. Frankly, if you have such concerns about this man’s children and his religion, you should not go further in the relationsh­ip. You have done well without him and you will continue to do well. So, don’t run into marriage. You may regret doing so in years to come.

Pastor

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