HUSBAND no longer SATISFYING me in bed
Dear Pastor,
I am a married woman and I have three children. My husband is 10 years older than I am and sometimes he struggles to bring me to orgasm.
When I complain, he tells me that I should be satisfied with what he can do. But I am not satisfied and I find myself thinking about other men, especially one I know who likes me a whole lot. We have not done anything. But sometimes I am dreaming about him. Apart from dreaming about him, I find myself masturbating while thinking about him.
STOPPED DOING THAT
I used to masturbate when I was in my teens, but when I met this man and started to have sex with him, I stopped doing that. But I started doing it again because I am not getting any sexual satisfaction. I asked a female doctor about my problem and she said that I should not fret over my situation. She said that lots of women masturbate two or three times a week. I don’t even feel guilty anymore when my husband is in bed with me and I feel unsatisfied. I just do what I have to do to please myself.
Sometimes I can use my bare fingers and sometimes I can use instruments. But I just have to pleasure myself at times because my husband is not hitting the mark. Should I feel guilty over what I am doing?
K.T.
Dear K.T.,
I have tried my best over the years not to judge or condemn anybody. I try to answer each letter on its own merit. For that reason, many people have criticised me and have condemned me. They say I do not use the Bible enough in my answers. But the Bible does not give the answer to every problem, for example, this very problem that you have written about. The Bible doesn’t say anything about masturbation. So anything that I say, I will be giving my own opinion and it will not be based on biblical facts.
Women do masturbate with regularity. In fact, some counsellors say that women masturbate more than men. They also say that being married does not cause a woman to stop herself from masturbating. The urge to masturbate may subside, but as you have experienced, the desire has returned.
Your husband might feel embarrassed to see you trying to satisfy yourself while he is in bed with you. But you need to assure him that you do not intend to cheat on him, so he need not worry. I wish yourself and your husband well. But please do not condemn yourself for engaging in masturbation.
Pastor
‘I used to masturbate when I was in my teens, but when I met this man and started to have sex with him, I stopped doing that. But I started doing it again because I am not getting any sexual satisfaction.’