Wrongly accused a teenager of sleeping with my husband

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old and I have been married for three years. My husband and I have two children. We have a stable relationship. My husband is very jealous, but I told him that if anyone should be jealous it should be me, because he is very popular and women are always calling him.

He said I know what time he leaves home and where I am going and what time he leaves work, so I can always check on him. I don’t have to check on my husband because I trust him.

SUSPICIOUS

However, recently I found a note in his pants’ pocket that made me suspicious. It was from a teenager thanking him for some money that he gave to her. I asked my husband about it and he pretended that he did not know what I was talking about. But he later admitted that he had given one of his students $6,000 to help pay for something, and he did not think that it was something he had to tell me about.

I did not make an issue of it, but since then I was told that this little girl likes my husband. So I warned him to be careful. He told me that those who are taking news to me should mind their damn business. This girl is 17 and I would not like to hear that my husband has got her pregnant, because some of these girls are very feisty and they love married men. So I went to the girl and I asked her if she loves my husband; she did not answer.

Pastor, don’t get me wrong. I did not intend to create any problems for the girl, but she told her mother that I was accusing her of having an affair with my husband. I tried to explain what happened, but right on the steps of the church, her mother cursed me and told me not to get her daughter’s name mixed up because her daughter does not need my husband. My husband is so annoyed with me. I have never seen him so angry over a simple matter of trying to protect him.

Pastor, please tell me that I did not do anything wrong.

K.

Dear K.,

When your husband explained to you what the note was about, you accepted his explanation. But something is puzzling me. This person who told you something about this girl and your husband, what did the person hear? Your husband knew that he was not guilty of cheating. So he advised the person to mind his/ her business and not try to pull his name into the gutter. You have to learn that you should not believe everything you hear, and that it is easier for people to believe lies than the truth.

I am not condemning you, because you may think that you are trying to help your husband. But sometimes, silence can be more powerful than speech, and there are things that are better for a person not to know. I repeat, people are inclined to believe lies much easier than truth.

You did not have to ask this young woman whether she was having a sexual relationship with your husband. She was shocked; that is why she told her mother. May I therefore suggest that you keep calm and apologise to your husband. This young girl’s mother will be glad to get an apology from you, too. But the time for that apology is surely not now, because she is very angry and has expressed how she feels. Accept what your husband told you. Time will tell whether or not he is having a relationship with this girl.

Pastor