I’m going to marry my friend’s husband

Dear Pastor,

I am in my late 20s. My fiancé is 44 years old. He was once married, but the marriage has come to an end. Papers have been filed for his divorce, but it has not yet been granted.

This man and I truly love each other. I know his wife, we were good friends, but her husband and I were not lovers. People say that I have broken up their marriage, but that is not true.

When he and wife were having problems, and they spoke to me, I told them to try their best to make up and to stay together. However, instead of making up, they grew further apart. This man’s wife never accused me of anything, but some of her friends told her that perhaps I had something to do with him.

I am the Godmother of one of her daughters and this child used to stay with me very often.

I am a teacher so I assist her with her school work and we have grown very, very close. Her mother picked her up at times when she is not staying over, and we chatted as friends.

When her husband started to show interest in me, I resisted him. I told my father that this man was falling in love with me. My father told me that if I love him, I should not reject him.

My father advised me not to say anything to his wife, but I went against my father’s advice and I mentioned it to her. She said she is very glad for me, and if I love him, I should accept him because she has moved on. That night I could not sleep. How could my friend accept the fact that her husband had fallen in love with me? So after a week or so, I called her and asked her if she meant what she said, and she said yes. She also said we will still be friends because she does not want this man in her life any more, and she repeated that she has moved on.

I took her seriously, and this man and I got closer until he succeeded in taking me to bed. I feel a little bit of guilt because he is not fully divorced. His wife sends her daughter to stay with me whenever her daughter wants to come to see me. I have decided that regardless of what people want to say, I know I did not take this man from his wife. I will treat him well.

His wife has not told me everything that happened between them, and I do not intend to discuss that with her any more.

S.

Dear S.,

You have declared that you had nothing to do with this man leaving his wife and that you have had good relationship with them. I believe you. You have even become Godparent for one of their children.

Those who know you well, and know the couple, may indeed think that you pushed yourself into their relationship, causing them to break up. You know that is not true, so set your mind at ease.

You and this man should go to see a family counsellor, and when the time is right, both of you should get married.

Pastor