Might have had a child for my brother-in-law

Dear Pastor,

When I was 22, I went to spend time with my sister and her husband. My sister is a nurse and once when she was on night duty, her husband and I were alone. He asked me if I had ever looked at ‘blue movies’ and I said no.

He told me he wanted to look at one and we could watch it together, but I must promise that I wouldn’t tell my sister. He went into their room and took out three movies. When I saw the first movie, I was shocked. My brother-in-law asked me if I would love to see more; I did not object. I should have told him no, but I was carried away. The second one we looked at was worse than the first. My brother-in-law said he never had a threesome, and he couln’t do it because my sister would leave him. He went to the refrigerator and took out two beers and offered me one; I took it. I asked him if he practises some of the things that we were looking at and he said my sister enjoyed watching blues with him. I was very surprised because my sister is a strict Christian, and I told him so. He said that sex has nothing to do with Christianity, then he told me how much he admired me. When the movie ended, I told him that I was going to bed and he said that he would come and stay with me for a while.

He came into the room and lay on the bed and I fell asleep. I felt him very close to me and I woke up, and he started to kiss me. This man became hard as a rock. I should have pushed him away, but I didn’t. His mouth was on my private parts and we ended up having sex. He slept with me, but went into his room before my sister came home. My sister checked with me if everything was alright and I told her yes. Pastor, I had sex with him another night, and both times we did not use any protection. I was worried, but when I went back to the country a week and a half later, I had sex with my boyfriend. I missed my period and I told my boyfriend. He told me it “looks as if you are breeding, I hope it is a boy”. He took it for granted that if I was pregnant, he was the father. But I have always thought that I could have got pregnant by my brother-in-law.

To this very day, I always wonder if this child belongs to my husband, because we are now married. He has never questioned anything, but my mother commented that our son resembles my brother-in-law. If our child belongs to my brother-in-law I really do not want to know. It would destroy my sister and cause a big uproar. My brother-in-law has always asked me how is my son, and I always wonder why he is so concerned. Do you think that he is trying to tell me that he is the father?

E.W.

Dear E.W.,

I know that the first thing that would come to the mind of readers is for you to do a DNA test, but it is a complicated situation.

If the DNA test proves that your husband is not the father of that child, what would you do? Would you tell your brother-in-law that he is the father? Would you tell your sister that you had an affair with her husband? Would you then insist that he supports the child? I am just asking questions that you should answer. Are you going to mess up your marriage, or would you not prefer to ‘let sleeping dogs lie’? Would it be wise to destroy your sister’s relationship, and to destroy your marriage?

You did not behave yourself when you stayed at your sister’s house; and I am telling you now that your brother-inlaw knew exactly what he was doing. You were naive; and even when he told you that he would come to bed with you, he had it all planned to have sex with you. He is a wicked man, very, very wicked; and I would say to you that there are some things that you should keep in mind forever, but the decision is strictly yours.

Having said the above, the decision is strictly yours whether you will ever try to find out for certain who is your son’s biological father. All I can say is, be careful not to do anything that can destroy your relationships.

Pastor

‘If our child belongs to my brotherin-law I really do not want to know. It would destroy my sister and cause a big uproar.’