Regret marrying this illiterate man

“We borrowed money from the bank and my husband did not even understand what the loan officer was saying.”

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a long time and I have enjoyed your advice. I am married to a farmer.

He is partly illiterate. He has never been to high school. I handle all his bookwork. I have never robbed my husband. But I don’t like it when I hear people saying that women should obey their men. How can I obey this man who can only sign his name?

Recently, I told my husband that he is fortunate that I have never cheated on him, because I could have. We borrowed money from the bank and my husband did not even understand what the loan officer was saying. When statements come from the bank, it does not even make sense showing them to him, because he cannot read them.

We have two daughters and I have told them never to marry illiterate men. We are invited out sometimes to parties. I am too embarrassed to take him. His brother goes with me sometimes, but I will not invite him again because rumour has it that his brother and I are sleeping together, which is not true. So to stop that, I will not ask his brother to accompany me any more to any official function.

My husband does not want to go back to school. Although he is illiterate, he has done very well in the business he runs and I am proud of him for that. He is always bragging about me. But deep down in my heart, I regret marrying him.

E.L.

Dear E.L.,

I have observed that you have not written anything bad about your husband.

Apart from saying that the man is illiterate, he does appear to be a good husband. He takes good care of his household. He is even running a little business that has been successful. He has people working for him. Evidently, they love him. I know that it is embarrassing for you when you are invited out and you are ashamed to allow your husband to accompany you. So many women find it difficult to submit themselves to their husband’s authority, so to speak, because they are much more educated than the men. But that is something a woman should think about before getting married. If a woman knows that a man is not very intelligent, she should not agree to marry him. If she marries him, she should revere him. That is what the Bible says, meaning she should respect him.

A man might not be worthy of a woman’s respect if he abuses her, but your husband is not abusing you. He is doing everything that a man should do in his house. You are wrong not to be showing him respect. He is not interested in educating himself, but I am wondering whether life would not have been different if you would have played the role as teacher. Some people reading my response to you may be puzzled, but I cannot help but think that this man sees you as a princess by the love and trust he has for you. He has put everything in your hands because he trusts you, and he loves you without reservation. It is unfortunate that you say that you regret marrying him.

If you will not take this man out to the functions that you are invited to from time to time, stay home.

Pastor