The Star (Kenya)

Drama af­ter Covid fu­neral

- BY DAVID MUCHAI Viral · Gossip · Celebrities

We fin­ish bury­ing Jim, Jiji Ndogo’s first vic­tim to suc­cumb to Covid-19, but the drama is just hot­ting up. Ap­par­ently, Jim had two other se­cret wives and Mrs Tembo sus­pects her hus­band came to Jiji Ndogo to do the same.

We’re all at the Post, sort­ing things out.

“I’m the goat wife,” Jim’s Wife No. 1 says.

“And I’m the hot wife,” says Wife No. 2. She’s younger. Pret­tier.

e two turn to Wife No. 3, dar­ing her to say some­thing. In turn, she re­moves some­thing from her bo­som, dis­plays it proudly.

“I guess this makes me the rich wife.”

“Uu­u­u­uiih!” screams Wife No. 1. “Some­one tell me that is not the ti­tle deed to my house I’m look­ing at!”

Wife No. 3 stashes the ti­tle deed back. Smiles.

“Your house? is is for the plot in

Githu­rai.”

“I didn’t know Jim had a plot in Githu­rai,” com­plains Wife No. 2.

“So what?” says Wife No. 3. “I didn’t know he was mar­ried to a slay queen and a grand­mother.”

“Who’re you call­ing a grand­mother?” shouts Wife No. 2.

“She means Wife No. 1,” In­spec­tor Tembo ex­plains. “Not that I agree, mind you, I’m just keep­ing things in per­spec­tive.”

“You’re one to talk.” Wife No. 1 sneers at Tembo. “Your wife looks like she saw Je­sus with her naked eyes.”

“Keep talk­ing, Eve,” Mrs Tembo fires back. “One word that the first woman is still alive and ev­ery woman who’s ever gone through labour will be all over you like white on rice. By the way, was the for­bid­den fruit re­ally an ap­ple or a pear?”

ey’re about to get at each other’s throats when I step be­tween them.

“Ladies, let’s fo­cus. Please. Like the good book says, we’re all fear­fully and won­der­fully made. Some of us more fear­fully than won­der­fully, but who’s to fault our dear Lord, huh?” I turn to Jim’s wives. “Yours is a mat­ter for the court. We can’t solve it here.”

“What court?” shouts Wife No. 2. “Only a zoo keeper can de­cide what cages to put th­ese two in.”

In­spec­tor Tembo points to the other wives.

“I be­lieve she just called you an­i­mals.”

“In­spec­tor!” I snap. Re­alise I’m yelling at my boss. “I mean, sir, you’re not help­ing mat­ters.”

“We can’t solve any­thing if ev­ery­one does not un­der­stand ex­actly what’s go­ing on.”

“I be­lieve they all know what’s hap­pen­ing.”

“Yes, we do,” says Wife No. 1. “We are re­al­is­ing that all men are trash.”

“So, why were you liv­ing with trash all this long?” chimes Wife 3. “Don’t vil­lage peo­ple take their trash out?”

“She ac­tu­ally tried to when the epi­demic started,” Tembo pro­vides. “Brought your hus­band right here since she couldn’t stand his snor­ing.”

“You, too?” asks Wife

No. 2. “Damn, that man could snore. He would drown out a posho mill next door.”

Wife No. 1. laughs. Ribs Wife No. 2 good-na­turedly.

“When­ever he fell asleep, I’d think we bought an old trac­tor.”

Wife No. 3 be­gins to laugh hys­ter­i­cally. e other two turn to­wards her. She re­moves some­thing from her other bo­som. It re­sem­bles a small plas­tic clothes peg.

“And what the hell is that?” asks Wife No. 1.

Wife No. 3 pinches the peg and clamps it on the bridge of her nose.

“is is a mag­i­cal anti-snor­ing de­vice,” she says, talk­ing nasally.

“How come you got all the best of him?” asks Wife No. 2. “What other tricks do you have?”

“You know how he only lasted two min­utes? I used to…”

“Enough!” I say. “We’re done here.”

“Good. I need cof­fee,” says Wife No. 3.

“I make a mean cup of joe,” says Wife No. 1.

“I’m com­ing, too,” adds Wife No. 2. ey leave.

“I truly hope she doesn’t poi­son them,” says Mrs Tembo.

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