Mom stressed by child should not try for another

DEAR ABBY: My daughter asked me if she should have another child, and based on what I have observed with her first, I definitely feel she shouldn’t. I want a polite way to respond without hurting her feelings, but can’t find the words.

She loves her child, but loses patience quickly. She can’t handle it when her two-year-old whines or cries. Sometimes she needs to leave the house. Can you help?

DEFINITELY NOT IN OREGON DEAR DEFINITELY NOT: Every parent feels this way sometimes. That’s why God invented grandparents and baby sitters. However, if you feel your daughter can’t handle the stress, be honest with her and tell her why you have “concerns.”

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has been friends with twin girls for several years. Their parents are divorced, and we’ve always known that money is tight in their family. We invite them over to eat as often as we can, and they know our home is their home and a safe place.

The girls are now all applying to colleges, but the twins have repeatedly expressed concern that they don’t have enough money to pay the ACT submission fees or the college submission fees. They are both working long hours and trying to save money for college.

We are in a position to help them submit these applications, but don’t know how to approach the topic. We are not close with either of their parents. Most important, we don’t want to risk a parent telling the girls they can’t spend time at our home. How can we help?

ENOUGH TO SHARE

DEAR ENOUGH TO SHARE: You are generous and compassionate to want to do this. Because the girls spend so much time at your home, it’s likely their parents already know their daughters are friendly with your family. I do not think it would be offensive if you were to call the parents and make the offer. If they are reluctant to accept, you could propose it as a “loan” that can be repaid after the girls graduate.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter got married recently and we discovered dear friends were left off the guest list. We are so upset I have lost sleep over it. How do we make amends? We would never have hurt them like this deliberately.

UPSETMOTHEROFTHEBRIDE

DEAR UPSET MOTHER: If your dear friends live far away, pick up the phone and apologize. If they live close by, arrange to meet for lunch or dinner and offer the apology in person. Weddings are often stressful for those who are planning them. Mistakes like this are regrettable, but not uncommon. If these are true friends, they will understand and forgive the oversight.