Don’t sweat the small stuff
For our book discussion group’s choice this month, I picked “River Town” by Peter Hessler. I usually don’t read a book twice, but I chose this one precisely because I wanted to read it again. The story is an account of Hessler’s experiences teaching English as a Peace Corps Volunteer in a college in Fuling, China between 1996 and 1998. My desire to expose my American friends in our book club to China through the eyes of an American who lived like a local in this town along the Yangtze played a role in the selection, as did the fact that I heard the author speak in Hong Kong during the International Literary Festival in 2003.
What I came away with, both from the book and from the writer himself, is that Hessler is the sort of person who will not sweat the small stuff. His approach to the new culture, language and complex situations he faced in this minor city in Sichuan province was incredibly mature. He learned to live with constant horn honking, crowdedness, trash and lack of privacy. He managed to rise above these annoying ingredients and distractions and lived with compassion, patience and openness that endeared him to his students and to the local people, who initially didn’t know how to relate to him.
Somehow the small things didn’t have the power to distract him from what he was there to accomplish: he was able to assist the students in his classroom to understand English literature better, getting to know them in the process. His zeal to acquire the Chinese language continued to deepen his respect for his teachers and for the culture that produced that language. I got the impression that he was able to leave a most favorable image of Americans, and he certainly brought back a heightened awareness of the world and its cultural complexity. The Peace Corps goals, in a nutshell.
Recently in my physical therapist’s office I ran across a book titled “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson, and I knew that I wanted to talk about this subject even though the book is 20 years old. The concept contained in the intriguing title spoke to me.
We tend to worry about everything. The very existence of the word “worry wort” testifies to the fact that we human beings do worry constantly. Of course some of the issues we worry about are big stuff: wars, climate change, the economy and life and death illnesses of loved ones.
But here I want to talk about the small stuff we are often fretting about: Will I look silly if I wear this outfit? Will my neighbors approve of my daughter marrying a foreigner? Will my new car impress my classmates? Where can I get the best hair-cut? Does my address reflect my wealth? Do I have clothing that will make me look fashionable enough? Is this traffic going to let up? Will I be able to make friends during the group tour? Do I look too fat?
Instead of these exhausting self-centered concerns, we need to teach ourselves to hold onto the big picture and perspective that enhances the collective well-being of all the people around us even in small situations. Am I blocking someone in this aisle while I search for the item on shelf in a supermarket? Am I too loud speaking on my cellular phone? Should I bring a snack back to the front desk staff from food festival since they can’t leave their station? How may I practice random acts of kindness more frequently? Who needs my help? Can I choose to be kind rather than being right? What can I do to bring hope to this situation? What can I do to help a sad friend who just lost her loved one? Can I give cheerfully without expecting anything in return?
When we are determined to recognize and rise above our unhealthy habit of sweating the small stuff, we can proceed to be kind to ourselves and to others as we make room to be more other-centered and giving. As Carlson reminds us in his book, it will help to ask ourselves this question every time we are bogged down with unnecessary anxiety and worry: “Will this matter one year from now?”