Dear President Trump (1)
Welcome to South Korea. I hope you have a pleasant stay here in the Land of the Morning Calm and that you accomplish everything you hope to do on this visit. This is a historic state visit and one that will most definitely define your first year as president and perhaps even your presidency, which brings me to the purpose of this letter.
While you’re in Korea, I would like to offer you some advice. I want this visit to be fruitful and meaningful for you and one that you can look back on one day and feel proud of what you achieved and how you handled yourself. You’re going to be under a lot of scrutiny while you’re here; people expect you, as the leader of the United States, to set a good example. Remember, this visit to Korea is not about you.
Before you were elected, you promised voters you would have a plan to defeat ISIS in 30 days. Well, that didn’t work out for you, but you have a chance to redeem yourself. Now that you’re here on the penin- sula, people are going to want to know how you plan to reign in North Korea without provoking them and putting all of Northeast Asia in jeopardy. Stay close to the talking points. Take some time and familiarize yourself with the Mutual Defense Treaty. It makes for some good reading and might help you understand why the U.S.-ROK alliance is critical for stability in the region.
You also need to exercise a little bit of restraint when it comes to your late night policy musings on Twitter. I understand you have a lot on your plate these days (the ongoing investigation of Russian collusion, failure to reform healthcare, an eroding Republican base, and your continued battle with fake news) and that your attention span is sometimes proportionate to one of your tweets, but that’s why restraint and discretion are in order. Remember, you’re going to be feeling a little jet-lagged that first day, so try to avoid the temptation while you’re here. You know, no “rocket man” or “I’ve got more missiles than you do” tweets. Once you’re back in Washington, you can return to your duties as Twitterer-in-chief.
I understand that your leadership has often been called into question and that your leadership style leaves a lot to be desired with one train wreck after another, but here’s your chance to put the Trump train back on its tracks. I also know that it’s hard for someone of your stature and temperament to back down when someone insults you, but please, have an extra slice of humble pie and a glass of warm milk before you go to bed. The world will appreciate it in the morning.
There’s a good chance that the North might do something while you are here to rain on your parade. It happened to LBJ when he visited in the 1960s when the North attacked a U.S. patrol along the DMZ resulting in the deaths of six Americans and a Korean KATUSA. This is not to say the North will try something like this, but if something were to occur, PLEASE avoid a knee-jerk reaction by doing something rash. I know that’s asking a lot, but that’s what the North wants. Don’t play their kind of game. Don’t stoop to their level. I know that’s hard for you to do because you like to get the last word in edgewise, but DON’T!
And speaking of the DMZ, if you happen to go there as your predecessors have, please behave yourself. I know it’s going to be tempting for you, but even legendary rocker Ozzy Osbourne was the acme of decorum when he visited the Joint Security Area. So please, no pointing, jeering, or sneering. And remember, if you look through a pair of binoculars, make sure you take the lens caps off.
If you follow the advice I have suggested, your visit to South Korea should be a successful one. I hope so, for my sake, and for all of us here in Northeast Asia. Let’s hope, as Shakespeare wrote, “though this be madness, yet there is method in it.”