Wife gets silent treat­ment without know­ing rea­son why

The Korea Times - - HOROSCOPE - By Abi­gail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band and I have been mar­ried more than 20 years. Once in a while, he’ll stop be­ing af­fec­tion­ate and ceases talk­ing to me. Ob­vi­ously, he is up­set. He holds it to­gether for our chil­dren, but I get the se­ri­ous cold shoul­der.

He won’t tell me why he is un­happy. He sim­ply ex­pects me to give him “space.” This is dif­fi­cult be­cause I as­sume it’s some­thing I have done, and I want to make it right. After sev­eral days, he’ll start com­ing around and talk­ing to me again, and he ex­pects me to jump right back into our usual be­hav­ior. But by this time I feel aban­doned and re­sent­ful.

It gen­er­ally takes me some time to warm back up to him, which doesn’t make him very happy since he doesn’t see any­thing wrong with his need­ing space. I re­al­ize that’s true, but should I be ex­pected to put aside my hurt feel­ings overnight? — TIED IN KNOTS IN TEXAS

DEAR TIED IN KNOTS: You’re in a long mar­riage. Has your hus­band al­ways be­haved this way? Talk to him about it at a time when he’s him­self and not in one of his silent phases.

As you should be aware by now, not all men are good at ex­press­ing their feel­ings. Rather than be­come up­set with him, ASK if he is up­set with you. If the an­swer is no, be­lieve him and give him his space. It would be con­sid­er­ate (and ma­ture) of him, how­ever, to warn you when he’s up­set about some­thing that has noth­ing to do with you, without prompt­ing.

DEAR ABBY: Is there an or­ga­ni­za­tion that matches se­niors who would love to be grand­moth­ers with fam­i­lies that need grand­par­ents for their child/chil­dren? I’m a 70-year-old re­cent widow who has no grand­chil­dren to love, take places, play games with or just be with. I would think in ev­ery city there are chil­dren with no se­niors in their lives, se­niors who could make great grand­par­ents. It would be a win-win for both the child and the se­nior. It could also be a bless­ing for a sin­gle mother or fa­ther to have some­one to help out with emer­gency child care or just have some ex­tra “fam­ily” in their home­town. — UN­FUL­FILLED GRANDMA IN MIN­NESOTA

DEAR UN­FUL­FILLED: Un­less the par­ents get to know you well, it isn’t likely they would en­trust their chil­dren to your care. How­ever, this doesn’t mean you can­not vol­un­teer your time to help chil­dren in need. One or­ga­ni­za­tion is Big Brothers Big Sis­ters of Amer­ica (bbbs.org), which of­fers op­por­tu­ni­ties to men­tor. An­other that might ap­peal to you is Foster Grand­par­ents, which is spon­sored by the Cor­po­ra­tion for Na­tional and Com­mu­nity Ser­vice.

You could also call the hos­pi­tals in your area and ask if they need some­one to come in on a reg­u­lar ba­sis to hold and rock pre­ma­ture in­fants and new­borns. If you con­tact CASA for Chil­dren (casaforchil­dren.org), you could be­come a court-ap­pointed ad­vo­cate for abused and ne­glected chil­dren and teens, which may pro­vide the emo­tional sat­is­fac­tion you need and fill the void you are feel­ing.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Korea, Republic

© PressReader. All rights reserved.