Mom wants to end daugh­ter’s sleep­overs with her boyfriend

The Korea Times - - HOROSCOPE - By Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old daugh­ter, “Marta,” and I are wid­ows. I’m re­tired, and my daugh­ter has a small home-based busi­ness. She and her three chil­dren live with me.

Marta has had a boyfriend for a year and a half. I have not warmed to him. He has four kids by a pre­vi­ous girl­friend or wife. He works at a gro­cery store, and I just don’t see a vi­able fu­ture for my daugh­ter with him.

My dilemma: She sneaks him in, and he spends the night sev­eral nights a week. To me it is un­seemly and un­trust­wor­thy on both their parts. It sends the wrong mes­sage to my grand­chil­dren. My mis­take was not hav­ing said any­thing to her the first time it hap­pened. How should I pro­ceed now? — BOTH­ERED IN CAL­I­FOR­NIA

DEAR BOTH­ERED: Pro­ceed by hav­ing an adult con­ver­sa­tion with your daugh­ter and tell her ex­actly how you feel about this ar­range­ment. While whether or not the boyfriend is good enough for Marta is not your de­ci­sion to make, the talk may clear the air. If her sex life is im­por­tant to her, she may opt to look for an­other place to live.

DEAR ABBY: I had ma­jor surgery eight months ago. When I came out from un­der the anes­the­sia, I was dis­ap­pointed to find my wife wasn’t there. It turned out she had left the hos­pi­tal to have lunch with my sis­ter.

I have ex­pressed my dis­ap­point­ment and I know she re­grets not be­ing there, but every few months the mem­ory of what felt like aban­don­ment rises up. How do I let this go? — POST-SURGERY BLUES

DEAR P.S.B.: Your wife did not aban­don you; she had lunch with your sis­ter. It was a mis­take she re­grets. You were feel­ing help­less and vul­ner­a­ble, which is nor­mal.

I’m won­der­ing if your re­ac­tion could be con­nected to the surgery or med­i­ca­tions. Please talk about this with your doc­tor. If that doesn’t help, a li­censed men­tal health profession­al can help you get be­yond this.

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend has a ter­ri­ble habit of AL­WAYS talk­ing about her hus­band, “Bennet.” Ac­cord­ing to her, he can do ev­ery­thing and knows ev­ery­thing. In one evening she men­tioned his name 19 times. For the record, Bennet is an av­er­age guy and non­de­script in every way. Even her kids think he is roy­alty. How can I kindly tell her she is em­bar­rass­ing her­self, and her friends find it an­noy­ing? — NOT IM­PRESSED IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT IM­PRESSED: Bennet must be do­ing some­thing right or his fam­ily wouldn’t idol­ize him the way you say they do.

If you think there is any­thing you can “kindly” say to your dear friend about her Knight in Shin­ing Ar­mor be­ing non­de­script in every way, you are dream­ing. Tell your friend you ap­pre­ci­ate how proud she is of her hus­band, but you’d like to hear about some other sub­jects. If it falls on deaf ears, see her less of­ten if you must, but don’t smash her idol.

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