Grand­daugh­ter knows truth about ‘won­der­ful fa­ther’

The Korea Times - - HOROSCOPE - By Abi­gail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: When I was 11, my par­ents and I moved near my grand­par­ents. One day, my grand­fa­ther of­fered to take me for a ride around the coun­try­side, and we jumped in his pickup truck to ex­plore.

When we started our ride, he popped open a beer and handed it to me to drink. I had never tasted beer be­fore. As we trav­eled down the road, he slipped his hand un­der my shirt and pro­ceeded to feel my breasts. This hap­pened three or four times on dif­fer­ent days. He then tried to move his hand down into my pants. I re­sisted. Af­ter that, I never went for a ride with him again.

I have been through ther­apy to deal with this, but I have been un­able to move on. My mom and her sis­ters think he was a won­der­ful fa­ther. She and two of her sis­ters have al­ways had prob­lems with men. I have al­ways sus­pected that he abused them also. Should I con­front them about this or just let it go? — PAST BUT PRESENT IN FLORIDA

DEAR PAST: I do not think it would be ap­pro­pri­ate to “con­front” your mother and your aunts about what might have hap­pened to them. I do, how­ever, think you have ev­ery right to tell them what your grand­fa­ther did to you. If your sus­pi­cions about them are true, you should never have been per­mit­ted to go with him.

When you talk to them, do not be sur­prised if they try to min­i­mize what hap­pened, but you may find it ther­a­peu­tic to speak openly. Fam­ily se­crets like this are un­healthy for ev­ery­one.

DEAR ABBY: I have some friends — a mar­ried cou­ple — who are very dear to me but who drain me emo­tion­ally. The hus­band has been dis­abled for well over a decade. The wife is his pri­mary care­giver.

I know their sit­u­a­tion is hor­ri­ble, and I have of­fered my help only to be re­fused. They won’t let any­one help, yet the wife is al­ways com­plain­ing that she has no help. The hus­band is very an­gry and nasty to her, and her be­hav­ior has be­come pas­sive-ag­gres­sive to­ward him.

The only con­ver­sa­tions we have any­more are about how hor­ri­bly they are treated by the other one. It’s like they’re com­pet­ing to see who is the big­ger vic­tim. We have a long his­tory to­gether, but it has reached the point where I dread talk­ing to them. What should I do? — EX­HAUSTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR EX­HAUSTED: It’s time to tell these un­happy peo­ple what you told me. They may not like hear­ing what you have to say, so be pre­pared.

Sug­gest the wife join a care­giver sup­port group. The other mem­bers will re­late to what has been hap­pen­ing and may be able to of­fer her some sug­ges­tions. The hus­band is an­gry be­cause his life hasn’t turned out the way he had planned, but that doesn’t mean he has a right to abuse her. A li­censed marriage and fam­ily ther­a­pist might be able to help them re­pair their dam­aged re­la­tion­ship if it isn’t too late.

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