Long lost fa­ther is found, but then quickly lost again

The Korea Times - - HOROSCOPE - By Abi­gail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I grew up not know­ing who my bi­o­log­i­cal fa­ther was. When I met him for the first time, I was 18. When we met, I felt I had found a piece of who I was.

We talked and hung out for the next four months un­til I moved in with him to es­cape an abu­sive re­la­tion­ship. I was preg­nant at the time and spent half my preg­nancy living with him, my step­mother, half-brother and step­brother. I moved back in with my mom a few months later.

Since then, my fa­ther has cut me off. I have been try­ing so hard to get him to talk to me. He hasn’t met my son yet, rarely re­sponds to my texts and never an­swers my calls. It’s been four years now, and I’m heart­bro­ken.

I miss him so much. I feel like a piece of my heart has been ripped out. My grand­mother told me that be­cause my older half-sis­ter left with her kids with­out say­ing good­bye to him, it broke his heart, and he is afraid I will do the same. What should I do? — MISSING MY DAD IN NEW YORK

DEAR MISSING: Not know­ing your fa­ther, it’s hard to guess his rea­son for dis­tanc­ing him­self from you and his grand­child. It does ap­pear that he is pun­ish­ing you for some­thing. Could he have been hurt or an­gry that you chose to live with your mother rather than stay with him?

Be­cause it has been four years, you may have to ac­cept that this es­trange­ment will be per­ma­nent and find a way to cope with the loss. If you have a re­li­gious ad­viser, start there.

DEAR ABBY: My room­mate loves watch­ing doc­u­men­taries about se­rial killers, psy­chopaths and other crim­i­nals. I don’t like them. To me it feels like a glo­ri­fi­ca­tion of a per­son who did evil.

I watch tons of spy movies, su­per­hero movies and ac­tion films that de­pict vi­o­lence. But the dis­tinc­tion lies in that what I watch is fiction. Usu­ally the good guys win, and if they don’t, it’s tem­po­rary.

My room­mate gets re­ally mad when I watch or even talk about the movies I watch, but be­comes re­ally de­fen­sive when I com­pare them to what she watches. My room­mate is very frag­ile emo­tion­ally and cries, with­draws and shuts down when I do this. The last time, she in­sin­u­ated I was less of a per­son for lik­ing these things. She still re­fuses to ac­knowl­edge that we are al­lowed to like dif­fer­ent things with­out be­ing bad peo­ple.

I need to know how to bring up that how she re­sponds to the things I like hurts me, and com­mu­ni­cate that I have noth­ing against what she watches, even if it’s not my taste. — JUST A MOVIE IN THE MID­WEST DEAR JUST A MOVIE: The most diplo­matic so­lu­tion would be for the two of you to agree that cer­tain sub­jects of con­ver­sa­tion should be avoided — this be­ing one of them. And if you can’t agree to re­spect each other’s view­ing habits with­out be­ing judg­men­tal, you should find other room­mates as soon as your lease is up.

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