Cut out for company life?
What are the most important and precious things as we live our lives? I would be praised and honored when I studied hard, got good grades and ranked at the top during my school days. After graduating, when one has more money, great fortune, high social status and power, one gets praised and respected by others. At the end of the day, it is money and power. In addition, attractiveness and appearance play a part.
This simple reality is ours and of our society. When I was younger, it ranked me and made me line up according to examinations and grades. When I became an adult, it ranked and made me line up according to money, power and attractiveness. Almost everyone struggles and scrambles in the rat race, competition for survival occurs in order to be ranked at the top of the social ladder, to be at the front. I was also unknowingly absorbed in this societal competition, thinking I had to work hard, run without rest and whip myself ceaselessly according to pretentious standards set by society.
Comparing myself to others and judging others, I would want to be confirmed as doing well and superior to others. Those days I must have looked fine on the outside. However, I was plagued by constant anxiety and irritation in many cases without much happiness. Here is a poem that I wrote about finding myself torn in such an agonizing situation.
Trying hard
Lest I be ousted by him lest I be beaten by him I try hard so as to go faster than him so as to look better than him I try hard Trying hard, struggling he looks hateful trying hard
I am shabby
I am poor in heart As I get exhausted, trying hard As I am powerless, languishing I can see him as he is ...
As time went by, I came to realize that it is not the only right way to live one’s life. I don’t need to be ranked and lined up by apparent social standards. I don’t need to be harrowed and distressed, comparing myself to others and feeling inferior. Because I am my own person. One such social standard set by others must be to have a good job, which usually means to work as a salaried worker for a company.
However, to my surprise and ironically, there never exist such standards as how warm-hearted you are, how much you love and respect others, how much you laugh and smile in a day. This might be the reason why Korea has usually been ranked at the top regarding suicide, divorce and poverty of the elderly even though Korea is an OECD nation.Content with working as a freelancer, I made up my mind again not to be distressed by comparing myself to those who work for companies. Regardless of the standards for success in this society, I am good, happy and content with myself just the way I am.