Girlfriend chafes at boyfriend’s request
Dear Abby: I have been dating an alcoholic for three years. He recently entered a treatment program because after his last binge he tried to kill himself. He seems to be committed to his program and staying sober.
He has requested that I stay sober with him for at least a year. While I’m fully committed to our relationship and support him, I don’t feel that it’s fair that I should have to completely forgo drinking because he has a problem. I’m not looking to go out and party every night — those days are over for me — but I’d like to enjoy an occasional drink with a friend or with my mom.
When I approached him about my doing so, he became upset. He said if I have this one exception, he believes the exceptions will continue. Do you think his request is reasonable?
— Sober in New Jersey
Dear sober: That depends upon whether you, too, had an alcohol problem before your boyfriend joined the program and were his drinking buddy. If the answer is yes, I don’t think his request is unreasonable. However, your boyfriend may be afraid that if you drink regularly, it may threaten his newfound sobriety. If that’s the case, if you love him, you should refrain for a year as he has requested.
Dear Abby: My wife and I have the same argument every year or so. It’s about dancing with other people when we’re out for the evening. I feel that “grinding” is inappropriate for someone in a relationship to do it with anyone else.
I made my sentiments clear to her when we first started dating, but it seems that about every year when we are out, she’ll start dancing with some guy in a very provocative manner. I’ll get unhappy about it, but when I confront her, she gets angry with me and says that it means I don’t trust her. I trust that she’s not going to go off and sleep with some random guy, but I feel it is wrong because she knows how I feel about it. How can I get her to see it my way?
— Principled in San Diego
Dear principled: She already knows it upsets you, so try this. Get up, join her and her partner on the dance floor, and start doing the “sandwich.” And make sure that the person in the middle is you. Dear Abby: My husband is in poor health, and when his time comes, I would like to have him stuffed. It would be comforting to see him sitting in his favorite chair in the living room. That way I’d always know where he is, plus he wouldn’t be asking me for another beer all the time. My kids don’t like the idea. What about you, Abby?
— Desert Hot Springs, Calif
Dear D.H.S.: Grief makes people do strange things. I’m not sure you are thinking this through. Once you are finished grieving, you may meet someone you want to watch a game with and need that chair.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.