White parents of Black children navigate a changing nation
OKLAHOMA CITY, June 24, (AP): Izzy Simons has been fired up about the prospect of driving on his own.
The 15-year-old has craved the freedom a license promises. He has proudly and effectively maneuvered the family’s vehicles around the church parking lot and beyond, and he’s confident he’ll pass his test in August. He imagines arriving at Southmoore High School in Moore, Oklahoma, someday in a navy blue crew cab Silverado truck with a lift kit.
His excitement has been replaced with uncertainty. Simons, who is Black, was jarred emotionally after watching video of the killing of George Floyd, a Black man who died after a Minneapolis white police officer pressed a knee into his neck for several minutes on May 25. In those moments, concepts he’d learned about such as racial profiling and “Driving While Black” fully registered.
Sarah Dunn, a white woman raised in rural Kansas, has learned much about race since she and her husband, Josh, took custody of Izzy six years ago. Still, she wasn’t ready for Izzy’s response to the Floyd incident.
“When we talked, he said, ‘But now I’m kind of afraid to drive,’” she said. “And that’s not something that we have ever had to think about.”
The Associated Press discussed race with six white couples who have adopted or have custody of Black children. These parents are trying to help their children understand race in America while getting an accelerated course themselves.
Floyd’s death has inspired national and international protests and led to changes in police procedures. These parents say that’s a great start, but for the country to take full advantage of the moment and make America better for their children, white people must go beyond carrying signs, marching and chanting. They must become advocates along with Black people and be willing to call out racism when they see it.
“We need to realize that it’s going to be hard, tough work, and you’re going to lose friends,” Michael Morris, who has adopted two Black children with his wife, Katie, said. “And that’s OK.”
Dr Richard Barth, dean of the University of Maryland School of Social Work, said planning is the next step to set up more meaningful action.
“We still don’t have a path to follow from the discussion of racism and structural racism and the need for everyone to speak out that Black Lives Matter to a framework for what’s really going to be different and are the next major steps — beyond police reform — to make our society more equitable,” Barth said.
For now, there are immediate issues. Michael Morris said he and his wife have held off on having “the talk” about race with their two daughters, ages 10 and 5.
“I’m at a loss for when to start talking to them about it because I don’t want them to be scared,” Morris, an Oklahoma City resident, said. “It’s something that they’ll have to know.”
Craig and Denise Dragash of Carmel, Indiana, felt the national conversation forced them to discuss current events with their adopted son, 11-yearold Vaughn. Denise said he “wanted to hide under his blanket,” something he does when he is uncomfortable.
Cindy Neal, who has adopted three Black children with her husband, Paul, said the Indianapolis couple fears their advice on dealing with police might not matter. Their oldest, Belachew, is a tall, athletic 14-year-old young man — no longer a cute toddler.
As they wrestle with these issues, these parents know that helping their children has prepared them to help the white people around them better understand Black people and their challenges. And now, they say, white people finally are listening.
Matt Porter is the pastor at Victory Family Church in Newcastle, Oklahoma. He and his wife, Julie, have adopted Paul and Timothy, both age 11. Matt Porter said white people have dodged these issues for too long.
“I think it’s natural to say, ‘If it doesn’t affect me, it doesn’t bother me. I’m going to mind my business, I’m going to keep my head down,’” he said. “You don’t get to do that. If you call yourself a believer, you don’t get to do that.”