5 love languages
According to Islam, a husband and wife should show each other kindness, mercy, and love. This following verse is taken from the Yusuf Ali translation, chapter 30, verse 21: And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are signs for those who reflect.
In Kuwait, I find that lots of expats are trying to get married. After couples get married, they often find that some cultural adjustments are required. One thing that doesn’t change from culture to culture is love. While the number one desire of men is to be respected, the number one desire of women is to be loved. This is true whether you are in Kuwait, or any other part of the world. Most men understand a woman’s need for love but many men don’t understand how to love.
According to Gary Chapmen, in his book “The Five Love Languages”, there are 5 ways that we can show love to others. They are giving gifts, words of affirmation, touching, spending time together, and acts of service. First of all, some women need gifts. When you give a gift, it sends the message that you were thinking about the person when they were not there. In some European cultures it is common for the men to bring a flower to their wife almost on a daily basis.
Gifts don’t have to be elaborate but they should be thoughtful. Just like in European countries, in Kuwait, gift-giving is built right into the culture. It is an important part of daily life. Some women need to hear their husband say nice things to them, such as “I love you”.
Or, they may want their husband to talk about how important they are in his life. This can be done through a variety of media, such as texts, notes, emails, cards, or by verbal communication.
It may be very meaningful for the husband to tell his wife these things in a different language. Some women need hugs and kisses. They want to feel the warm embrace of their husband. Of course, you wouldn’t want to touch someone that you dislike, and therefore, touching implies that you desire closeness with the person. Some women just want to spend time with their husbands. This can include a variety of activities.
Usually, the activity isn’t important as long as the two get a chance to be together. Finally, some women want their husbands to do things for them. For example, when a husband makes a special meal, or helps with the housework, it shows that he cares about his wife. If you really want to make an impact then there is no harm in showing love in all the 5 mentioned ways, but usually a woman will respond better to one way more than the others.
Believe me, if you show love to your wife then it will build a strong foundation for your marriage. It is hard for men to understand love in the same way that women understand it. If you are a man, then just imagine living with a person who doesn’t respect you. That is how painful it is for a woman to live without be shown love. Although we aren’t involved in matchmaking, the TIES Center offers a short marriage course to explain the conditions and requirements for marriage from the Islamic perspective.