Savoir Vivre

Welcoming the new-born with etiquette

When visiting someone who has just had a baby, we need to be aware of how to behave so as not to offend or cause a nuisance of ourselves. Following these etiquette tips will help.

Hospital visits

It is preferable to just call and congratulate the parents on their new-born and ensure that all is well rather than turn up at the hospital. Very close family relations or friends may visit to help the mother if need be, to make sure that she is relaxing and resting.

Home visits

The “welcome baby”, known as “tehneyeh” in our part of the world, is usually arranged one week or 10 days after the birth. Ask the mother when she can start receiving guests and even help her with the arrangements such as making the mughli (a cinnamon based dessert traditionally made when a baby is born). If you are sick, please do not visit – I know this is common sense, but you would be surprised at how many people think this is alright; even a minor cold could make the baby sick. Always come early and don’t stay long – unless you are there to help the baby and mother. Stay with the baby while she goes to take a shower or naps. When the mother is yawning or the baby is crying, ask her if she needs help, then excuse yourself. You should not visit after 6 or 7 pm, and not stay more than an hour – mother and child need to get their rest. Bringing a meal or some food for the mother is an added bonus.

What to gift?

Give useful baby gifts – most of the time people buy cute outfits but get the wrong size and for the wrong season, so make sure you get bigger sizes so that the baby can actually wear it. Gold is a traditional gift in the Middle East, but consider if it is appropriate for the baby or the mother. Other items, such as a bottle steriliser, cotton suits, and gift certificates, will also be appreciated.

Don’t bring your kids

If you have kids yourself, don’t take them with you; even if they do not get too close to the new-born, there is still the risk of carrying germs from school or nursery – the baby’s immunity is still fragile.

Don’t wear strong perfume

If you must put on a fragrance, try to go for eau de toilette and not perfume which may be irritating to new-borns and can even cause a skin rash. If you are a smoker, do not light up a cigarette or even have one before you come in. The smell of nicotine on your clothes or hair may bother the baby.

Don’t criticise

Whatever you do, don’t comment on the physical appearance of the mother or the baby negatively (like his face, shape of head, eyes, jaw, nose, hairy skin, etc…) Respect her privacy and be considerate especially at this delicate stage while she is undergoing hormonal changes and lack of rest.

Don’t judge or give unsolicited advice

If you are asked then by all means give advice positively, but do not tell the mother what she is doing wrong. Never ask a woman who has just had a baby, when she is going to have the next one or when she will go back to work; she needs time to recover physically and mentally from the change in her life, and she does not need any extra pressure.

Don’t touch or kiss the baby without the mother’s permission

Let the mother be the initiator.

Having a baby is one of the joys of life that most women look forward to. However, with it come a lot of new challenges, and responsibilities. Sonya J. Sabbah author of "Etiquette in the City: Beirut" shares the rules of behavior that dictate visiting a new-born

Finally, if you feel that the mother is unable to receive visitors, call her regularly to ask about her so that she knows that you care – maybe send her a moderate arrangement of flowers as a kind gesture.