Zech Pharamond uncovers the unheralded key to finding success
The unheralded key to finding success and meaning to our otherwise arbitrary existence lies in taking a breath before all else
THERE WAS A SKINNY ROCKSTAR with a bad leg where I previously worked. He hobbled around belittling me with the most implausible physical threats, presumably to keep his day interesting. Another time I met a pot-bellied uncle who flattened my tyre with a grain of sand in said tyre’s valve cap - to warn me that the grassy knoll opposite his family home was his parking space exclusively. Recently I bumped into a delivery guy who decided I had parked too close to his car and kicked my bumper while I sat in the driver’s seat. When I asked why he did that, he pretended not to notice, squeezed into his car anyway and drove off.
What about you? Who’s done you wrong? What grudges do you fantasise about settling? How have you been assaulted, denigrated, spat on and been made to look the fool? Summon all the humiliation and pain you can muster, and let’s uncover the meaning of life.
WHO ARE YOU?
Arthur Miller the American playwright did a one-act play called ‘Incident At Vichy’. Written in 1964, it tells the story of several individuals who have been detained by Nazi military officers for racial examination. One specific character depicts a well-educated, white-collared professional, who brought all his university papers, certifications and letters of commendation from prominent members of society. The Nazi asks him,
“Is that everything you have?” The man nods ‘yes’. The officer promptly dumps it into the trash and quips, “Good, now you have nothing.”
The hard-done-by character who’s built his self-worth on the respect and admiration of others is completely destroyed.
Victor Frankl, who actually survived Auschwitz, describes his first days at the extermination camp. A commandant sieved through the weak and the able-bodied, each group then made to trudge into shower rooms. Everything that could be stripped from their bodies - from garments, to hidden momentos, to smuggled jewelry, to every single patch of hair - was scoured and each man stood denuded of anything and everything that had ever provided a sense of self, much less culture or identity.
It is hard to imagine being so completely ransacked, but do try. Ask yourself what remains of the mind that might allow a person to stand upright instead of cowering in shock and mortification.
The first part, then, to understanding the meaning of life, is to be pushed to the very end of who you are - a place where dignity gives way to primeval instincts. The second is to remain brave and unselfish despite standing in a furnace, as your world burns down around you.
REMAINS OF THE DAY
But of course everyone muses of being the hero who faces down impending doom without nary a wince. How exactly does one train genuinely to achieve this almost mythical status? It starts with examining the only asset any sentient being truly has: your freedom to choose how you will respond to any situation.
Speaking of fires, at around 5:30 in the evening on December 10, 1914, a massive explosion erupted in West Orange, New Jersey. Ten buildings belonging to the legendary Thomas Edison were being consumed by chemical-fueled fireballs. Invaluable treasure collected over a lifetime of painstaking work going up in a spectacular inferno. According to a 1961 Reader’s Digest article by Edison’s son Charles, America’s greatest inventor calmly walked over to his dumbstruck son and told him to, “Go get your mother and all her friends. They’ll never see a fire like this again.” Charles of course objected, but Edison assured him saying, “It’s alright. We’ve just gotten rid of a lot of rubbish.” Hours later, as the wreckage still smoldered, Edison told the New York Times, “Although I am over 67 years-old, I’ll start all over again tomorrow.”
Edison could have wept inconsolably, given up and played the victim. A realistic recourse by anyone’s account. But instead he put on a brave face and told his son to enjoy the spectacle.
This is how you exercise and strengthen the willpower to remain stoic no matter the circumstance. Did someone just cut you off in traffic? Which fool recently disrespected you? We all eventually come nose-to-nose with forces that may take away everything we have except the freedom to choose our response. The most valuable adage you will ever hear: you cannot control what happens to you in life, but you will always have the power to decide what you will feel, and do, about it.
TAKING A BREATH
Long have I festered my resentment for the few who have offended me. I’ve fetishised the satisfaction it will bring when I finally put my fist in the mouth of that cripple. Or the joy it will bring when I sneakily padlock that uncle’s front gate after flinging red paint all over his Maserati. Or the pleasure of running over that inconsequential delivery guy. After all, weren’t the Columbine killers mercilessly isolated and bullied by the jocks at school? Where’s the justice of it all?
It is the morally and emotionally weak man who retaliates and commits heinous deeds. He looks to the crowd and proclaims, “Look what you made me do.” He might walk tall and unperturbed but is really driven by a deep well of inferiority. The issue is not about confronting unjustness but accepting that no matter the iniquity, I have the liberty to choose the higher ground. All I need is to slow down and take a breath. To ask myself, why should I react to this stimulus? Will my next action make the world a better place?
Essentially, life is not a journey for ever greater plains of pleasure.
Nor the pursuit of power, influence or respect. All this can be stripped away in a moment’s notice. Life is a quest for meaning. Our greatest task is to find what that meaning is for each of us. Our mission is to discover our best selves through meaningful work, in caring for another person or in displaying courage, temperance and wisdom in difficult times. This is the meaning of life... at least for me.