Ac­counts of the First Cave­man Who Dreamt, as dis­cov­ered by Kuah Jen­han.

Esquire (Malaysia) - - CONTENTS - trans­lated by kuah jen­han

Blade of giant grasses brisk face as Doto run! Not know what Doto run from. Not know what Doto run to. Now sud­denly Doto sit with Puba around fire. Doto not know how. Puba is wear loin cloth funny and talk­ing to fire. Doto is weird out and look up but there is no sky! There is no sky! There is sea and Doto feel hor­ror! Doto sud­den awake and hold grass nearby and fast-breath! That is first hap­pen­ing of this. Soon Doto will dis­cover Doto is first homo-erec­tus to dream!

Doto is rub eye and check sun. Oh no! Doto late for town hall and fast rush to Gath­er­ing Space. Cave-lady at front stone tell Doto go to Meet­ing Area 2 and Doto is run and can­not wait to tell oth­ers what hap­pen when Doto was sleep!

Puba, who is leader of us, say, “Nice Doto to join us, Doto.” Doto look down and hurry to sit empty stone.

“Fi­nally all here. We say name. We go from sun­rise di­rec­tion. Puba start. Puba is Puba and go.”

Doto no re­mem­ber ev­ery­homo name but can re­mem­ber at meet­ing was Ny­wele, Keki, Chumvi, Mafuta, and Gary.

“Good! Now is time to tell Puba how good Puba is!” Puba say while open hand into sky. “We love fire!” “Thank Puba!” “Ouch hot but amaz­ing!” ev­ery­homo is loud-speak and proud but Doto is silent. “Doto? No good thing for Puba?” “Yes, Puba. Puba is epic?” Puba stare Doto while Puba uni­brow drop low.

Doto is clear throat, “Be­cause Puba is make fire! Nev­er­mind fire eat Doto’s mother but now meat is yum yums.”

“But…” Ev­ery­homo is loud-mouthin­hale at Doto.

“Mam­moth shit! No but!” shout Puba while Puba pound chest and head.

“But when Doto close eye to sleep last night, Doto live an­other life.”

“Oh my ex­is­tence! Doto no see dark­ness? Weird!”, say Keki in bitch man­ner but Doto tell ev­ery­homo about Doto and the run­ning, Doto and Puba at fire, and Doto and sea above.

“Wow! A sea above? In­trigu­ing! Does it mean that Doto is un­der­wa­ter or wa­ter is over Doto? So pro­found!” say Gary.

“Shut up Gary. No homo cares,” say Puba to Gary. Ev­ery­homo join in. In­clud­ing Doto be­cause re­ally, no homo care about Gary speak. Gary is no more speak.

Puba flip stone ta­ble. “Ev­ery­thing is as is! Sea is where sea is! Not sky place!” Puba for­bid Doto to talk about it any­more be­cause Puba say Doto not know what Doto speaking. Meet­ing is end and ev­ery­homo walk out but sud­denly Ny­wele is ap­proach.

“Why Doto tell mam­moth shit? Mam­moth shit talk is Gary do. Not Doto,” Ny­wele say while pick nose. “Doto no mam­moth shit. It’s real.” “Doto speak real?” Ny­wele ask while brush Doto fringe with dirty fin­ger and look into Doto eyes. Doto say he prove it.

Doto un­tie Ny­wele’s toga knot on right shoul­der and tie knot at back of neck. “Go look at pud­dle,” Doto say to dis­gust­ing girl.

“Oh my word, Doto! No erec­tus has wear toga like this! Ny­wele is sud­den feel fun and ex­cit­ing and want mo­jito!”

Doto ex­plain Doto is saw in sleep. Some things Doto not re­mem­ber­ing but some­things Doto re­mem­ber.

“Doto re­alise this is revo­lu­tion­ary? Doto make thing new in world. This means Puba no longer only erec­tus to cre­ate? Puba will be an­gry!” Yes, Doto know. Doto saw.

“Well, what Doto call this?” Ny­wele say while fixing a mud mo­jito.

Doto put one hand in sky and loud­speak, “Hal­ter toga!” Sud­denly Doto is black out.

When Doto awake, many homo is sur­round­ing Doto, Ny­wele, and Kundu. Kundu is Ny­wele’s bae and big­gest erec­tus in town. Ny­wele’s toga is knot on right side like nor­mal again. What hap­pened? Did Doto not see thing as is again?

“How dare Doto touch Ny­wele!” Kundu loud-speak as his square chests is bounce in fury. Quickly Doto re­alise black out is be­cause Kundu club Doto head. Ny­wele step in front Doto to pro­tect.

“Ev­ery­homo lis­ten! Doto is make new thing for world!” Ny­wele speak.

“Mam­moth shit! Ev­ery­homo know only Puba make new thing,” loud-speak Kundu.

“Yes! Doto is mam­moth shit!” Gary try to speak from side.

“Shut up, Gary!” ev­ery­homo in­clud­ing Doto say.

As Kundu raise his club, Doto is close eyes. Then Doto hear a col­lec­tive loud-mouth-in­hale. Doto open eye and see Ny­wele has un­knot­ted her toga and is now wear Doto’s hal­ter-toga style. “Doto make this in his sleep time!” Ny­wele tell ev­ery­homo. “Hoorgh! Bet­ter that rocks!” “Ooh! A style that will def­i­nitely stay for many years!”

“So Au­tumn/ Win­ter 350,000bp!” loud­speak Chumvi.

(Trans­la­tor’s note: Cave-peo­ple uses bp which means Be­fore Present, com­monly used for car­bon dat­ing, in­stead of the con­ven­tional bc be­cause re­li­gious have not yet found cave-peo­ple at that time.)

“So pretty, Ny­wele! Kundu am a happy big­gest erec­tus!” Kundu say while cry and drop to knee.

“What else Doto cre­ate?” asks Kuipo the res­i­dent per­vert as Kuipo un­tie his toga to tie a hal­ter toga.

“Well, Doto saw sea where sky sup­pose is.”

“No way! Doto no see things as is?” say cave­men with big­gest nose.

Sud­denly, a ball of fiery fe­ces is land near Doto leg! Ev­ery­homo is scream! Puba is come!

“How dare Doto make mam­moth shit! Puba only in­ven­tor of world! Puba make fire!” loud-speaks Puba while rolling an­other fe­ces ball.

“Out! Doto no wel­come any­more! Doto is not like us! Doto must leave! Doto is not erec­tus, he is…he is…” Ev­ery­homo is hold breath. “Doto is…a ne­an­derthal! Ne­an­derthal!” “What is that, Puba?” asks Mafuta as ev­ery­homo nod along.

“It mean bad! Stupid! Non­sense! Pure mam­moth shit! Puba cre­ate fire. Puba is leader and Puba say Doto out!” loud­speak Puba while Puba rub two sticks to­gether to light fe­ces ball. When fire is hap­pen, ev­ery­homo is scared of Puba again and now is tell Doto to get out.

Doto turn around and feel hurt be­cause Doto will miss ev­ery­homo. So Doto say, “Please! Maybe Doto tonight is see more in sleep! Wait, Doto don’t need wait for sleep time to not see thing as is!” Ev­ery­homo is look at Doto qui­etly.

“For ex­am­ple, ev­ery­homo see hand, but if Doto do this, Doto can think it is in­sect. See? Doto call this imag­i­na­tion!” Doto say while wig­gle fin­gers.

“Ahh! imag­i­na­tion hands! Help!” scream the erec­tus crowd in fear and even Keki is faint.

“It can be good! Maybe with imag­i­na­tion, ev­ery­homo can cre­ate more things! Like hold­ing big leaf when it is rain? How about new mud drink called a, a cof­fee? A DIY cave that’s has for­ever fire?” Doto is ex­cite-speak.

“Go away, Ne­an­derthal! We don’t want your cov­fefe or what­ever.” Puba say while stand in front of erec­tus crowd.

Doto is de­ject but then Doto is hear a sweet voice. “Ny­wele fol­low Doto! Ny­wele will learn imag­ine.” Doto is smile big while Ny­wele make dirty in­sect with Ny­wele dirty fin­gers.

Kundu is go giant bat shit crazy and rush at Doto but Doto is touch fore­head and loud-speak at Kundu, “Kundu is a small mouse! Doto imag­ine it!” Kundu stop. “Look at Doto de­stroy us! Leave us alone! Ny­wele is out too! She is also ne­an­derthal!” Puba is rush to hold Kundu be­cause he is drop to ground in ex­is­ten­tial cri­sis while crowd is panic.

“Let’s go, Doto. Let’s imag­ine a time af­ter present for our­selves,” Ny­wele say while hold Doto hand with her dirty hands. As Doto and Ny­wele is walk away. Doto hear the last sound from Doto’s ex-friends.

“Imag­i­na­tion is mother of in­ven­tion. I think they’ll make many things good but there are also bad moth­ers. They’ll make things that might de­stroy them one day too. I can’t imag­ine what will hap­pen to them!” say Gary while stroke on long beard. “No homo care, Gary!” Ev­ery­one is say. Doto is now ne­an­derthal but feel hope. As Doto and Ny­wele walk fur­ther away, Doto is won­der if Ny­wele hand is nat­u­ral soggy or is just many nose pick­ings. Doto has new imag­i­na­tion. Maybe Doto can make jew­ellery for Ny­wele with it. Doto shall call them, “Beads by Doto.”

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