Divorced From Reality?
Rachelle Unreich examines the modern divorce and discovers how some couples are rewriting the rules of splitsville.
There are the terrible stories you hear in whispered conversations at school pickup, the hairdresser’s, the coffee shop. There’s the one about the woman who loathes her husband so deeply that she can’t bring herself to go through the divorce papers, telling her lawyer that even seeing her ex’s signature brings on a revulsion so deep she feels like throwing up when it appears on the paperwork. The story retold on Reddit of the ex-wife who left the marital home to her former husband and his new girlfriend, but not before she stuffed the curtain rods with a mixture of leftover prawns and caviar, incubating an untraceable whiff that wasn’t exactly Chanel N°5.
The worst ones make the news. New York socialite Tracey Hejailan-Amon was more than a little miffed when her husband of eight years, Maurice Alain Amon, informed her via e-mail that he wanted a divorce. When she lost the key to a safe in the Paris home they once shared, she used a blowtorch on the lock box of dollars’ to open it. worth Toxic of dust artwork ruined millions in the process. But all was not lost, especially since Tracey left one thing behind in the safe: her gold wedding ring.
Some, such as the Hollywood star Zsa Zsa Gabor, turn bitter endings into an art form. Married nine times, she famously said, “I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep Oscar his nominee house.” Elisabeth Nowadays, Moss stars spoke aren’t about any the more end reticent: of her eightmonth when marriage to funnyman Fred Armisen, she called the experience “extremely traumatic” and has been quoted as saying, “One of the greatest things I heard someone say about him is, ‘He’s so great at doing impersonations. But the greatest impersonation he does is that of a normal person.’” Ouch.
Marriage, and divorce, are increasingly shaped by technology. It’s how most straying spouses are also getting more resourceful, stocking up on spy gear such as a recovery stick that can retrieve deleted messages from mobile devices. Even simpler: one can track a partner easily through apps on the other person’s iPhone, while looking through the settings of WhatsApp can easily reveal which contact has been in high rotation (look for the data usage). But technology has also made it easier for someone to guard their information. An app called Nosy Trap puts a fake image on the home screen of a smartphone. If a “curious” (read: suspicious) person tries to tap the screen to see messages, the phone turns into a camera and takes a video of them—caught in the act—instead.
These days, break-ups are evolving, too. Gwyneth Paltrow famously “consciously uncoupled” from her husband, Coldplay’s Chris Martin, after 10 years of marriage and two children together. It was all a bit airy-fairy for most people, especially since Paltrow’s lifestyle website, Goop, explained it further with sentences such as “Conscious uncoupling brings wholeness to the spirits of both people who choose to recognise each other as their teacher.” Nope. Not helpful. Still, there are examples of couples who separate amicably, paving a whole new way for exes who don’t want to spend their lives embroiled in courtrooms, bitter arguments, and fights for money and custody. One Australian couple who wanted to ensure their children’s needs were prioritised found themselves in a unique living situation that allowed them to part on good terms, too. At the time of their split, they were in possession of a block of land they’d bought together. Realising that selling a parcel of empty land—and dividing the proceeds—would leave them with little, they came up with another solution. They built two separate townhouses on the plot, joined via an upper level section that housed a children’s retreat and bedroom area. The children’s area had a door at either end—one that led to the mother’s townhouse, the other to the father’s. Depending on whose turn it was with the kids, one door would be locked. Each parent had their own driveway, allowing for some privacy. This living arrangement also paved the way for a friendly relationship between them. There’s another positive example in a Melbourne fashion designer who parted ways from her ex after they’d had two children together. Each has since repartnered and had more children, but they meet up for family dinners and regularly exchange phone calls. “For me, it was about honouring that original decision you made to marry that person, so while it didn’t last long term, you honour it, instead of blaming the other person and feeling remorseful over that relationship. And I did that not just for me, but for my kids, because it’s so damaging for them if they feel like they’re the product of something negative.” She’s quick to say that she can only hold this viewpoint because her ex isn’t a bad guy: “I’m mindful that some people have been in violent or abusive relationships, so I don’t think everyone can make harmony and peace.” And harmony, as good as it sounds, can have a downside. One woman gets along so well with her ex that, even though they parted a decade ago, “it can be hard to move on”, she says. “I’m committed to having a good relationship with my ex, who is the father of my children. If one of us goes away, the other person will stock the fridge for their return. We buy each other better birthday presents than when we were married. Our separate houses share the same key, and new guys who’ve come into my life think it means we’re going to get back together. It doesn’t. Just because I am not with this man romantically doesn’t mean we won’t always have a relationship.”