Forgotten Formalities

We get some insights from a Dai Kum Jie who highlights the value of culturally inclined traditions and the importance of it all—in this case, for Chinese weddings

When it comes to traditional wedding rituals, many forgo them for a more modern approach these days. Kathlyn D’Souza speaks to Jocelyn Lim, a Dai Kum Jie— a Chinese wedding chaperone (or MC Jo to her clients), to find out about the importance of rituals

Tell us about yourself.

Can you believe that I am actually a master’s degree holder in information technology? [Laughs] However, I was very fascinated with the stage, I fell for it since the tender age of 10. Since then I witnessed a tremendous growth and a bright future as a stage performer, and a public speaker in particular. After eight years in the IT industry, I decided to take a gigantic leap, and that’s when I came to be a wedding emcee, in 2010. As time passed, I also expanded my horizons into corporate events and lately, became a professional chaperon lady. Besides enjoying the great satisfaction of being a master of ceremony, I am also running an academy to train wedding emcees, where I can ensure that the traditions continue far into the future.

How did you get into doing what you’re doing right now?

It was not by chance, it was intended. Over the years, I have come across many mixed marriages. Most times, they sacrifice the traditional rituals and cultures of Chinese weddings because they cannot convey the reasons behind the practices to their better half, or their families. I thought it will be great if someone who speaks English comes in to lead them throughout the entire ceremony, to also introduce the beauty of Chinese culture to others. It was proven that this take was absolutely brilliant, as all the couples were impressed with the seemingly sophisticated rituals in Chinese weddings; some even flew in their families and relatives just for the tea ceremony! It’s probably a once-in-a-lifetime experience for them!

Tell us about the term ‘dai kum jie’. What were its origins?

Dai kum is a Cantonese word. She is the wife of the bride’s uncle in the olden days. On the wedding day, she plays the role of maidof-honour, she takes care of the bride and assists her throughout the wedding ceremony. Nowadays, as it has become a profession, the added ‘jie’ means an elderly who shows up as the master of ceremony. Dai kum jie in English is simply, ‘chaperone’. As a master of ceremony, we conduct the entire wedding—starting with the ceremony in the groom’s house, right until the end which usually takes place around lunch time.

Did you undergo any special training?

I took a professional course from a renowned chaperone, Dary Chong. Now he’s currently teaching at the MC Jo Academy, so it’s a beautiful collaboration between us. It is also a great learning platform for those who are interested in Chinese weddings, because they get to learn the customs and skills to host wedding receptions.

How does one choose a dai kum?

In more conservative circles, people prefer a fortunate person to be their dai kum. Fortunate means that this person’s parents are fit and alive, she has a successful marriage, children or better yet, if they have grandchildren. However, considering between skills and this ‘fortunate’ criteria, I believe people these days would opt for a real master of know-how, who can help to coordinate a seamless and hassle-free event.

What are the roles and tasks of a professional dai kum?

The dos and don’ts are different from one culture (dialect) to another. The basic requirements of a dai kum is to be expressive on the auspicious words, always be cheerful and friendly, and most importantly, have proper time management. Don’t push too hard regarding things that are not favourable to family and friends, just be flexible. Remember, the ultimate mission is to ensure a joyous and smooth wedding ceremony!

What do you enjoy most about doing this?

The recognition and satisfaction that comes from the couple and their families. At first it’s a little challenging for me to convince the elderly, due to my youthful look. However, I would be able to impress them once I start the show. This can be easily noticed through their thankful gestures, the appreciative messages that come after and referrals. I just feel I have done something right!

What are some of the best testimonials that you have heard from your clients?

Some couples send us Christmas gifts, and greeting cards every year… some even share great news with me—like when the bride is pregnant. These gestures are worth far more than the words on the fan page or WhatsApp.

Why do you think a dai kum is important, especially in the modern era?

I believe in such modern times, we should not forget our roots and culture. Even if we don’t practise the olden rules and rituals on a regular basis, we must at least strive to appreciate and embrace them on the wedding day. It’s a oncein-a-lifetime occasion. A professional and modern

dai kum is essential to lead the newlyweds to experience the beauty of this precious culture, while being flexible to answer their needs.